It was when I was five. My mom pursed her lips the whole day, and she loitered around the big telephone that you might’ve seen in the movies, the one that makes ringing noises as you wheel the numbers around. At about 4 o’clock sharp, mom picked up her coat, picked me up and we walked to a big brick building. My mom ushered me to sit down on a seat next to an old woman who was sniffling and told me to wait just a moment while she talks to someone. It felt like forever to wait for her. The people at the desks gave me some candy. Later mom came out, her face red and teary. She snatched my hand, dragged me to an empty room named 892, and kneeled down in front of me. She told me to forgive her over and over again. She told me that she would miss me very much and rushed outside, leaving me alone in the dark. I don’t quite remember what happened afterwards but when I woke up I was lying on a big blue bed and next to me was a rather plump nurse named Maria. She had a warm smile, but it wasn't as warms as mom’s. She cared for me all day, and sang lullabies at night. But all that did not seem to help me forget mom. My mom had lied to me. She didn’t miss me. She never came for a visit or dropped by to check. That was when I knew that there was nobody beside me. I was alone.
For the first few days in the asylum, I refused to eat anything. Maria brought me food but everytime she did I kicked it away and screamed and wriggled. She sighed and called the big man with glasses. His stare was like ice. He took some notes. Then they closed the heavy metal door and stomped outside together. I heard the keys jiggle as they locked the door and again I would feel lonely. I did not know if time was going or it has stopped. I didn’t listen too carefully when the man and the nurses talked about me outside my room, and I never bothered to look through the tiny crack inside the closet that lead to the room across mine. It always had no lights on.
A day after my 7th birthday, I heard a light turn on. It was from my closet. I scattered across the room and saw her. She was beautiful. Her brown curls that made her hair look like one of those princesses you might see in fairy tales, her ocean blue eyes, and her pink dress, I thought she was beautiful. She seemed to be shouting at the maid, but when the maid got out I saw her crying. “Hello?” I called as I tried to squeeze myself into the hole. It didn’t work. The girl lifted her head up, looked at me, then screamed. “Ghost!” The maids rushed in and I quickly hid back in my room. I could not hear what they were saying, but when I heard the door close I tried again. “I’m not a ghost.” This time she didn’t scream. “I know.” she said calmly. “My name is Mulia Renon.”. “Hi.” I stammered. It felt weird to talk to someone again. We were silent for a moment, then she cleared her throat. “If I said my name, you have to tell me your name too!” she rolled her eyes.
I thought. I thought really hard. It was unbelievable. “I think I forgot.” Then I cried. “I forgot my name!” I laughed. Then I sobbed again. Mulia was silent. “Sorry.” she said.
We talked every day. We stayed there and talked until that day. That day everything changed.
There were flames. Flames everywhere. I didn’t know how, or why. But there was one thing for sure; I was going to die. All around me was fire, and the smoke was unbearable. I held my breath.
“Help!” called a faint voice followed by coughs. There was only one person I could think of. “Mulia!”
The world became dimmer. Then it disappeared.
I take several deep breaths outside the door. My hands touch the wooden doorway. It feels like it’s made of ice. The sky gets darker and a drop of rain lands on my shoulder. I turn the doorknob. It’s unlocked. A beam of light, somehow close to the one in my closet when I first saw her shine from the inside. I open the door to greet whoever will be in there.
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