Fearless or Not?

I was leaning on my dad’s car soaking up the bright Friday morning sunrise. Patiently waiting for my snail of a brother, Cole, so my parents can bring us to school.

Suddenly I felt fingertips harshly tapping at my sides, making me double over in laughter.

     “Stop Cole -” I was gasping for air. “No. No. Stop- Tickle.” I could hear my brother’s hysterical laughter over mine. Luckily, Cole is even more ticklish than I am. I quickly darted my arms towards his sides, locating his ribs. His weakness.

     Feeling evil, I tickled him.

     “Mwahahahahaaa.” I cackled. Cole was the one who reacted this time, but with his 'ninja moves', as he likes to call it, he swiftly grabbed my wrists, opened the car door, and shoved me into the car.
     “Hey.” I laughed out, trying to catch my breath.

     “My awesome ninja skillz.” I could hear Cole’s muffled shout.

He got into the car still lightly chuckling under his breath.

     “That was like, not fair,” I told him.

     “It was too.” He shot back in a sing-song voice. Cole reached out and tickled me again.

     “Stop. No more.” I playfully whined in between breaths.

Cole, stop tickling your sister.” My mom scolded as she entered the car and settled into the passenger seat.

     “Yes, please I feel deaf now, her laughs are killing my ears.” My dad dramatically teased as he also slid into the car.

     “Dad.” I protested, as the same time my mom said, “Charlie.” Which of course, made us all burst into hysterics. That moment right there, I felt free. If only I could feel this way every moment, every day, of my life. This is the Fearthe family for you.

Despite the happiness that filled this moment, I still couldn’t help but feel the anxiety building up at the very bottom of my stomach. Dreading the day ahead.

                                                                            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I looked back, and double -and triple-checked that I hadn’t forgotten anything in the car. With the car door slammed shut, my mom rolled down her window and called out to us, 

     “Bye kids. Have a nice day at school.”

Heading towards our school’s double door entrance, Cole suddenly halted. I slammed against his back, causing a numbing pain on my forehead.

     “Oof. Cole wha-”

I saw him tense.

This isn’t good, I thought. I followed his gaze and realised what he was looking at. My face dropped. His squad, or 'gang' as he likes to call his group of friends, were heading towards our direction.

     “Go. Away.” He fiercely whispered at me.

At that moment, the caring, goofy, older brother I was used to, was hidden underneath this menacing version of Cole. 

     “Get. Away. From. Me. Now, Camryn.” He growled lowly at me, articulating every word. Without moving wavering his eyes from his approaching friends.

What hurts the most is that this isn’t the first time he’s asked me to go away. He always acts this way around his friends when I’m around him when he’s with his friends. Intimidating. Fearsome. Scary. And I know why he acts this way towards me, only me. I’m an embarrassment. To Cole. To my family.

I quickly scurried into the school, ignoring the hurt gut feeling caused by the loud shouts Cole’s friends were giving me. 

     “Run. Run. Chicken.” 

     “Even sweet Cole here scared you off Ms. Little Terra-fied.”

     ‘Terra’ is actually my middle name. ‘Terra’ as in ‘earth’, but in my case, ‘terra’ as in 'Terra-fied'. My last name also screams ‘fear’, literally. Camryn Terra Fearthe. However people are not the ones afraid of me, I am actually the one afraid of people. I, Camryn Terra Fearthe, am the scardiest-scaredy-cat you will ever know, I acquire so many fears that I won't even bother counting them all.

I find it absolutely unfair how everyone else can be not afraid of anything, or hide their fears extremely well. Whereas I cower at the mere mention of something I am afraid of. It seems as if everyone else in this world but me can go off and do something outrageous without the anxiety of fearing something bad might happen to them. They can do things without a care in the world. No fear of who will judge them. No fear of how it might affect them. I envy those people.

With a frown and a bowed head, I cautiously weaved through the crowded hallways towards my locker. Where I knew I would meet my one and only true friend, my shoulder to lean on, the only person who really accepted me, Maeve.

                                                                            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maeve Quinn was my best friend who moved away in 5th grade, and now, in beginning of 8th grade, she’s back. Even though she went to another school, we still kept in touch and often hung out together. Maeve and I were almost complete opposites, but opposites attract right?

Maeve was an outgoing and bubbly girl. Whereas I, was an introvert and kept to my beloved books. Maeve was, is, and will forevermore be popular, and I was sadly only known for my incredibly embarrassing as well as used-to-be personal fears. Then there’s Britney, the stereotypical snobby popular girl who looked down on everyone. There were even rumors that she bossed her own parents around, she is that bratty. She and her squad were the 'Popular' gang, who acted like they owned the school and were more important than everyone else. Britney was really the only one who made fun of me, but I was sure her 'friends' were just like her. But Britney steered clear of me as long as Maeve was by my side, I’ve always known that she just wanted to butter up to Maeve so that they can be best friends. Before Maeve left, she stood up for me and made sure no one teased me, when she was gone, everyone’s insults came down onto me like bombs. Loud, direct and hurting. Britney’s words hurt the most. So then we were a week into 8th grade and Maeve had once again befriended ... everybody. Except Britney of course. Or so I thought.

I turned the last corner passing by a water fountain. Reaching the hallway my locker was located. I froze in my tracks when I saw a scene I’ve always wished I'd never have to see in my life. Maeve and Britney, by my locker, talking, smiling, laughing. I felt the jealousy and anxiety brewing in my stomach. Mustering up the little courage I had in me, slowly I approached the pair. It’s just my bully and my best friend, what can possibly go wrong, I thought sarcastically. When Britney caught my eye, she smirked and raised a perfect eyebrow. Maeve turned around and sent me a wave when she saw me. I gave her a small awkward smile in return. 

     “Well, well, well...isn’t it Little Miss Scaredy-Cat huh?” Britney teased, she then gracefully gestured towards my best friend. 

     “Maeve here, and I were just talking about your pathetic sense of style, and you’re really irrational fear of heels. You only like, broke your foot once. No biggie.” She meanly pointed out. It’s true, I did have a fear of heels. Last year, 7th grade, Maeve had a cousin who pressured me into wearing heels to Maeve’s family’s New Year’s Party. I broke my foot that day, and not in the way you might think. Being the queen of clumsiness I am, I stepped on my own foot thrice and crushed my own foot with my own heels that night. I then swore to myself that I’d never wear heels from that day on. But why was Maeve reminding her of this? I wondered.

Britney was the type of girl who constantly acted more superior than everyone else, and once she found something to hold against you. She’ll never live it down. And in my case, there are a lot of embarrassing things she can pester me about. 

     “Or remember that whole year when your gums kept bleeding all the time ‘cuz you couldn’t stop obsessing over having clean teeth, so you wouldn’t have to go to the dentist?” Britney let out a bitter laugh. From the corner of my slightly blurry eyes, I saw Maeve staring at the ground, shuffling her feet. “You were so...ew. And you’d faint sometimes when you see your bloody gums, ugh yuck.” She scrunched up her nose with disgust, and eventually her whole face was contorted with distaste. She then looked at me with a revolted expression. “But you eventually had to go to the dentist anyway, and get those ugly braces of yours.” I heard Maeve snort in the background, however, it sounded forced. But then all I could hear was Britney’s hurtful words and my heartbeat ringing in my skull.

She just called me pathetic, irrational and disgusting in less than 5 minutes.

“I can see that even in 8th grade you still haven’t changed one bit,” Britney gave a fake pout, and no less than 3 seconds later broke into another smirk. Honestly, I didn’t want to change. Well, I wanted to change but I was afraid of what I would become when I do change, how will I handle it? How do I change? What are the consequences? I didn’t want to take the risk to change my life around, for the better or the worse. I was content with the life I currently lead. At least, as content as I could be.

I turned to Maeve, not understanding why she wasn’t sticking up to me that time. Her eyes were wandering around the hallway, looking at anything but me. I could see her nervously biting the inside of her cheek. 

     “Maeve,” my voice a pleading whisper.

Maeve cleared her throat. For a moment there, the confident, self-assured best friend I knew was replaced by one of the nervous, unsure girls who cowered in Britney’s presence. She never used to be like this. Why now? I thought. 

     “Britney’s right though Camryn. You were kinda sickening to watch with your bleeding gums and all…” She paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “And those braces aren’t that pretty either.” I. Felt. Ripped.

With a downcast head, I heaved out a breath.The one person I could trust and be there for me wasn’t. I felt betrayed, and this rage built up inside of me that was stronger than anything I’ve felt before. I had to let it out this time. I wasn’t going to keep it inside of me this time. All those times Britney bullied me, Maeve never sided with her. 

     “Just because both of you are so perfect doesn’t mean you have the right to treat me like this okay?” I shouted, “ I don’t know why you hold this hatred towards me but stop. Just stop…” My voice was barely a whisper at the last few words. I started shaking my head as tears threatened to fall. “And Maeve why? Why are you letting her treat me like this again?” I was filled with disappointment and sadness. Deep down, however, I knew there was some pride coming from the way I was talking back to Britney; with pride for myself, for once.

     “Yeah, Maeve? Why are you always sticking to Camryn all the time? Since you hang out with her so much, you’re starting to dress and act disgusting like her. ” Britney pointed out.

Ever since the first time Maeve moved away, she did stop wearing all her designer clothes and shoes and switched to more comfortable clothes when she moved to her new school. She also started eating as much as she wanted whenever she wanted, so Britney was right, I did influence Maeve a bit by helping her live a fresh, brand new lifestyle. Like she wanted when she moved.

I saw Maeve’s eyebrow furrow deeply. 

     “First of all Britney, I am not disgusting, and Camryn isn’t that bad either. The way I act now makes me happier so that is what’s important. Just keep all your lies to yourself and stop harassing Camryn all over again!” She shrieked. Now this was the Maeve I knew.

     “Both of you are pathetic little brats who think you can be better than me?” She shouted back. Now where did that come from, I wondered. “What makes you think you can tell me what to do?”

     “What makes you think you can tell me what I am?” I yelled at Britney with as much hatred as I could.

And then I punched her. Right across the jaw. It was loud and hurtful and wrong. But because of all these years she treated me badly, boy, it felt refreshing. I don’t believe in violence, and who knows where that confidence and bravery came from. I didn’t care. It felt great.

With Britney clutching her jaw and loudly whimpering in pain, there was one thing I thought about when I walked through the path the crowd around us had formed. I made my first enemy.

Maeve and I then calmly strode to our first class of the day, acting like we were filled with swagger and owned the place. Together.

                                                                           ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Throughout the day, people who’d usually throw fake spiders and lizards at my face to have the pleasure of seeing my extreme overreactions and laugh at me were actually patting my back and high-fiving me. And honestly, it felt good. There was a feeling of confidence and appreciation. I felt light and happy inside and I couldn’t stop smiling for once. For a while I won't be known as “the girl who was afraid of everything,” even for just a day, I’ll be known instead as “the girl who wasn’t afraid to punch the Britney in the face.”

When lunch came around. I sauntered into the cafeteria, once I got my food I let my eyes search for my red-headed best friend. My arm was suddenly grabbed by something, so on instinct, I closed my eyes and screamed. My lunch was grabbed and a hand clamped over my mouth.

      “Stop screaming.” a high-pitched voice said into my ear. I stopped and opened my eyes. And there I saw “the Popular”, Britney’s so-called friend group and the whole cafeteria staring right at me. After a few moments of silence, the rest of the students resumed their chatting and eating, leaving four pairs of eyes trained on me. They’re probably going to kill me now that I punched their queen, I thought. I could feel myself paling. I was scared. I stared back with wide eyes.

Directly in front of me were two boys, Reese and Tom. On either side of me were two girls, Candy and Melissa. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I felt like a deer caught in the headlights with all of them focused on me. Suddenly, Reese leaned over and placed his hand on my shoulder. I was shivering with terror, this guy is even scarier than my brother, I thought. Reese then looked at me dead straight in the eye. 

      “Congratulations,” he stated. I was literally paralyzed with confusion and fear if they were going to do something. Out of nowhere they all started howling in laughter.

      “You - you should’ve seen - seen your face.” Melissa spluttered. Once they’d all calmed down, they introduced themselves, as if they even needed to introduce themselves to me. Nevertheless, I still found out that Reese and Candy were actually twins, I could now see the resemblance. Eventually, we got down to “business”.

      “We’d never seen someone stand up to Britney like that…” Candy said her voice laced with admiration. I couldn’t really hear the rest of what she said because I was too busy focusing on her brown hair streaked in light blue and pink. It looked just like cotton candy...Her brown eyes also somehow matched her hair and reminded me of chocolate. Her name really fits her, I thought. And if she doesn’t end up murdering me for some messed up reason, she seems pretty nice.

      “Even these guys here don’t have the guts to actually insult Britney,” I heard Melissa point out when I zoned back in, motioning to Reese and Tom. Melissa had really nice curls and a straight fringe across her forehead. I was once again distracted by the mesmerizing movements her curls made when she nodded her head. I also noticed that she always had at least one earphone stuck into her ear, it was quite hard to detect underneath all her hair.

      “Britney’s a monster when she’s mad, and we don’t even like to think about it. Right dude?” Reese then tried to confirm with Tom, who was frantically messaging someone on his phone. So he grunted in response, which caused Reese to roll his honey-coloured eyes. I hate honey... They remind me of bees. And I really hate bees. I thought. His hair was a lighter shade than his sister’s, too. It reminded me of peanut butter. And I also hate peanut butter, because I have a case of arachibutyrophobia. (Fear of peanut butter getting stuck at the roof of your mouth.) I heard that if you choke on peanut butter, it can get lodged in your throat because it’s so sticky and you won’t be able to breathe... So overall, I think I have this new-found indirect hatred for this guy.

      “So, we know about your fears Camryn.” I shot him a blank expression, Who doesn’t? I thought. “And we’ve decided to help you -” He pointed to me, “get over them.” I couldn’t get ahold of what he was getting at then.

      “After we saw you do that to Britney, we thought that together - all five of us - could stick together to go against…” Candy unnervingly looked around for a moment.”...Britney.” She continued sheepishly. And then it clicked. They were afraid. Britney’s “friends” were afraid of… Britney. That’s just so sad. It made sense, though. Who wouldn’t be scared of a bratty girl who has an incredibly short temper and constantly threatens to ruin your life? Apparently me.

So throughout lunch, we listed all my fears. Or at least, as many as I could think of during that lunchtime. It turns out that there wasn’t as many as I thought there were. Moreover, about 4 of those fears, I got over today. Standing up to my bully. Making an enemy. Befriending someone (four people actually). And not losing my best friend, as I now know that Maeve will stay with me no matter what. During that lunch time with the Four - Reese, Tom, Candy, and Mel are practically glued to each other so I’ll call them that from now on - discussed so many things and since I learned so much about them, I felt remorse for judging them so quickly. By the end, I felt as if something - I don’t know what, how or when - somewhere in existence shifted. And the idea of change didn’t seem so bad after all.

                                                                            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Plip. Plip. Plip. Plip. Raindrops were starting to patter onto my head and shoulders, the clouds were turning a dull grey colour, which was slightly bringing down the satisfied mood I was in. I heard a rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance, which made me jump a little. Oh, how I hate storms…

I saw Maeve leaning against the lamppost by the school’s entrance with a frown plastered upon her face. That was the spot we had always agreed to meet after school ever since we were little. 

     “Hey Maeve,” I greeted. She replied with an acknowledging nod. I wonder why she’s so quiet now...did I do something? This isn’t like Maeve. I thought to myself. Maybe it’s the weather? I shouldn’t say anything right now, I might make her mood worse...Wait, I need to make her feel better...I’m scared if she’s mad at me. 

     “When I was gone, did you really just let Britney treat you like that? Did you really never stand up to yourself?” She inquired.

     “Er… Yeah actually. I never had the courage to stop her. I just ignored her...I guess…” I awkwardly answered.

     “I’m guessing you never had the courage to go make some friends either?” She scoffed. Now that statement kinda hurt. She said it with a tone I didn’t appreciate.

     “I’ve always thought that having you as my friend was already enough…” I started to say.

     “Well, I won’t be able to stand up for you and help you get out of every situation in your life. I won’t always be there to solve your conflicts and problems for you.” Every sentence she pointed out, the volume of her voice rose higher and higher as she looked at me in the eye. “Having only me as a friend is not enough for you, and having you as my only best friend is definitely not enough for me.” Her voice rose at the last part, emphasizing every word even more. Was this really the problem? Did she really feel like I was stopping her from being close friends with other people? I didn’t answer her. “Especially only a best friend who has to rely on me for practically everything.” She spat. “Britney’s right, you always need other people to stand up for you,” She shouted at me. “Why are you such a wimp sometimes? You constantly make me guilty whenever I try to let you learn to stand up for yourself.” I can actually see the truth in her words now. It explains why she seemed nervous in the morning, she was holding back from helping me, she was trying to teach me that I should learn to stand up for myself and not to constantly depend on everyone, especially her. Maeve’s right. I am a wimp. I bit my lip. What happened that morning was surely a one-time thing, I would probably never have the guts to do it again. I probably never have the guts to look Britney in the eye again.

Of course, speak of the devil and she shall appear. Britney sashayed out of the school and towards us with her huge signature smirk stuck on her face. Her face had a huge pink bandage covering the whole right side of her used-to-be perfect jaw. Pink bandage. Typical Britney, I thought. I guess I do have the guts to look at her in the eye again... 

     “Aw. I see the two bestest friends are having a little fight, eh?” She tilted her head back and laughed mockingly. Then turned back to Maeve and I. “During lunch, while you were busy who-knows-where and ditched Maeve in the canteen, I showed her my perspective of your best-friend relationship.” She smiled with bitter pride. “You’re only using Maeve to back you up in everything, ‘cuz you’re so Terra-fied.” She laughed another one of her long sour cackles.

     “Really though Camryn I thought that you would’ve learned by now. I am so disappointed.” She turned around and reluctantly started to walk away. She hesitated. “You can’t always rely on me.” She paused. I held my breath. “Bye Camryn, call me when you don’t need me anymore.” She shook her head and continued her slow walking along the sidewalk. Her voice was filled with so much finality it ripped me to shreds. Tiny shreds that I didn’t think I’d be able to sew together again. Not alone. Not without Maeve herself.

Even in that heartbreaking moment, Britney still managed to flash me an evil smile and said, “I finally have the friend I deserve.” Then happily skipped away, leaving me confused. My rage took over. I couldn’t believe her. After a moment of realisation, I felt numb all over, and all I could do was burst into tears.

Maeve is gone now. She changed. That wasn’t the Maeve I knew. She changed. She’s not coming back. And that scared me out of my wits.

                                                                            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Four dark figures started approaching me. I couldn’t see that well due to my tear-blurred eyes. After a while, I could make out that is was Candy, Melissa, Tom and Reese. I saw them shoot sympathetic looks my way, which made me cry even harder. Whilst I was having my break down, Candy and Mel rubbed comforting circles on my back, and Tom and Reese had disappeared somewhere. 

     “Come with us,” Melissa then said, tugging my hand up from the bench. Without a second thought, I picked myself up and let them lead me away from the bench I was previously sulking on. Bye bench, thanks for being there for me… I thought as I don’t think I was really thinking straight at that moment.

A while later we approached Reese, Tom and a very frustrated looking Cole. Ugh. He’s probably going to get so mad at me now that I was crying in front of the “Populars” of my grade. Even though I know they don’t mind, Cole probably doesn’t not know that. I was mentally beating myself up. Instead of giving me a glare and forcing me to come with him with a very stern voice, his expression softened and I was pulled into a huge bear hug from him, and we were in public. I was beyond shocked and relieved. I reveled in that glorious moment, feeling accepted by my brother for the first time ever, I hugged him tight and sobbed into his shoulder while he and the Four whispered soothing words into my ear. Little did they know that those tears were now tears of joy. I felt as if there’s a chance that my brother wasn’t embarrassed of me anymore.

There was still a hollow hole of betrayal and sadness in my heart, but right then I felt like I knew that I had my brother and my new friends who will help me get through it.

                                                                             ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The train was tight. It was really claustrophobic. Throughout the ride, the fFour, as well as my brother, kept conversing with me to ease my discomfort and anxiety. Somehow, from my break, down in the park, my brother and the fFour took me an MRT station, and we were riding towards a destination I had no idea of. I was also too afraid to ask where we were going. A few minutes after we got into the MRT, I could feel some sort of nervousness radiating from Reese. I, and I’m pretty sure we everyone else, could all hear him constantly gulping and muttering things under his breath. I could see his forehead perspiring, and every now and then his grip on the handle bar would tighten. I could feel my shirt dampening and I was trying to control my breaths, there was hardly any elbow space and I felt like everything and everyone was closing into me. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. And again. I closed my eyes. Trying not to focus on the tight space I was currently squashed into.

After a few tiresome minutes, the person on the left side of me moved closer and elbowed my side. So on instinct, I yelped and jumped closer towards the person one the right side of me, Reese. I now couldn’t shift anymore to the left as the person was just too close. My breathing techniques weren’t working anymore. 

     “I think - “ He started, then gulped some air and continued again. “- you should know that -” I was still very uncomfortably pressed up against his side. My breaths were making it hard to concentrate on what Reese was saying. “ I’m-” Another gulp. “-claustrophobic too.” He let out, and suddenly he started breathing as if he ran a marathon.

I exhaled a relieved sigh when the person on my other side got off at that stop, so I had room to move over. After I’d registered what Reese had told me, I looked at him and he flashed me relieved smile and a thumbs up as he had more room to sit as well. For a while, I pondered on Reese’s and my claustrophobia, I was so deep in thought that when I snapped out of my daze there we’re only a few people other than us six in that train car.

Suddenly, I heard someone start singing. It was amazing, so melodic and perfect. It was Melissa. She had her forehead leaning on the window with her earphones tucked under her hair and she was bobbing her head up and down, deliberately singing the song she was listening to. I walked over to her and sat a few seats away from her. She quickly shut her mouth, pulled out an earphone, and smiled as if nothing happened. “You are an amazing singer,” I stated with awe. Her smile dropped, and her whole face turned an into a bright beetroot red. She literally looked like a tomato that was going to explode.

     “Uh...err...well-” She stammered. Then she very quietly added, “thanks.” Her face was returning to its normal colour now, and she had a slight smile that was beginning to form into a proper one.

     “Why haven’t I ever seen you perform before. Like you’re super popular, so why?” I sheepishly pointed out, feeling a faint blush starting to form on my pale cheeks.

     “I-I...kinda have stage fright…” I stared at her with wide eyes and an open-gaped mouth. I quickly snapped my jaw shut. Woah. Who would’ve known one of the most popular girls in school could be scared of getting up on stage? However being me, I shouldn’t be one to judge. So I smiled instead.

After that, I felt trusted and not alone anymore, for once. I actually had people to relate to now. I moved next to Cole and looked around me. I saw Cole, Melissa, Reese, Candy and Tom. I then rested my head on Cole’s shoulder and fell into a rare peaceful slumber for the rest of the ride.

                                                                             ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When we arrived at our stop, the crowdedness of the station was literally suffocating. And I was pretty sure it was the same feeling for Reese. We walked out of the station filled with bustling people and strolled into a building. We strolled past by Candylicious, Maeve’s favourite candy store. I gazed at the store and sadly smiled, reminiscing on the memories of Maeve’s excitement towards candy. Looking back at my new friends, I caught Candy’s eyes. 

     “Maeve used to drag me there all the time. And she’d buy loads of candy and playfully wave it in my face, even though I absolutely hate candy.” I shook my head and breathed out a laugh. Then I realised what I said and blushed. “Not to be offensive or anything…”

Candy chuckled. 

     “None taken. Don’t worry, Camryn. I hate candy too.” She nodded her head and I was once again distracted by her multicoloured hair. Once I caught onto what she said, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. 

     “I’m... also kinda freaked out by dentists?” Her statement came out as more of a question.                    “So...twinsies.” She then shouted out, holding out her hand for a high five. I rapidly blinked continuously, then remembered my list of fears. I hesitantly high-fived Candy. She giggled. Soon I was laughing as well. Wow, I thought. She has a fear too...Who would’ve thought a someone named “Candy” could hate candy? How ironic.

Sooner or later we reached an elevator and entered it. Clammy hands and an uneasy gut. My claustrophobia was acting up again. I’ve been in so many tight spaces today, I pondered. I saw Cole tap the 45th floor. It was the highest floor. Oh no, I thought. I know what they want me to do. I could feel my hands starting to shake now… My stomach was once again bubbling with anxiety. “And we’re here,” Reese gestured to a vast open space as we walked out of the elevator. The space was railed at the sides crowded with many people. They pulled me towards the railing. As we got closer I realised we were on top of a very tall building.

Tom was very hesitant and fell behind our group. I slowed down as well and studied his expression. He looked at me with nervous eyes and a clenched jaw. 

     “I can’t,” The two words were barely audible. He was afraid. I was afraid, too. I gave him a small smile. 

     “You can, I can, We all can.” I grabbed his hand. “We’ll be scared together,” I stated with certainty. Slowly we approached the rest of them by the railing. Closing my eyes tightly, I grabbed hold onto the railing as if it were my life. I felt someone lightly tap my arm, causing me to open my eyes. And right then in front of me was the most amazing and beautiful sight I have ever seen. A sky that was splashed with various shades of red and orange and pink tinged with blotches of blue and purple. I gaped at the wondrous sight before me. I felt the wind lightly brushing face, and tangling up my already frizzy hair. When the realisation hit me. No clammy hands. No feel of hyperventilation. No panicky jitters. 

     “I don’t feel scared…” I said to myself in realisation and awe.

     “Well, congratulations,” Reese said once again with a big grin, showing off his pearly whites. Exactly the way he did in the cafeteria earlier that day. Looking over at Tom, I could see that he wasn’t so uncomfortable as he previously seemed either. Tom, Reese, Cole, Candy, and Melissa all had their eyes closed in contentment. Soaking up the remains of that amazing day. And I did the same.

Then as the sun slowly set, surrounded by my by new friends and my brother. I stared at the people around me and that was when I realised that more change has happened today, than ever in my life. I now know that change is constantly happening, whether I realise it or not, whether I want it or not.

I felt my whole view on life suddenly shift once I realised that the Four, who are supposed to be the most wicked people in my grade were actually extremely vulnerable by their fears. I had thought that Cole was so fearless because he could be so intimidating. I thought Maeve was fearless because she was such a risk-taker. And Britney, I know she has a fear too, something deep inside of that rotten rock of a heart of hers, there is a fear that causes her to act this way. I almost feel bad for her. I now know that even the people who act so cool and everything can actually become defenseless when faced by their fears, and even they need help to be able to overcome them. But sometimes we won’t be able to overcome them so all we can do is ignore the fear, keep our heads held high, and fill our souls with courage. And together, we will survive the weight of our fears.

Looking at the people around me I was free. I forgot about Maeve, about Britney, about the Four and Cole, I forgot about my parents, and most importantly I forgot about what has been holding my soul back. My fears. And I just let myself feel free. But this was only the magical beginning of my ride to complete freedom. From myself.

- Kaila Cristi (Maxine)