The tennis player collapsed with resignation on the chair, and started to glance around the empty, silent, locker room. His laboured breathing echoed, so far that it seemed to be heard from the tennis courts upstairs. His eyes showed sadness, a sense of utter disbelief at what had just happened. Suddenly, as if realising the SAT was the next day, he dropped his head into his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Just when there was a hint of pause between his desperate gulps for air, the crying started again, faster and more furious. Like a train coming to a halt, in one swift motion, the crying ceased, and he stormed out the door.
Yes. This boy just lost the biggest tennis match of his life.
In life, we all deal with failures. When we do, we start to realise that we have two main options when dealing with failure. Firstly, we can blame lack of hard work and lack of time and energy put in striving for the result. The flip side of this would be feeling good that you tried, thinking the outcome was inevitable. Just as the tennis player sat in confusion in the locker room, we all seem to have a similar epiphany. As a community, we all deal with failure at some point, however, there is a fine line between whether we should be happy with our hard work, or feel that the result is due to lack of hard work.
Our community as a whole makes it clear that we have one main belief when it comes to the topic- that hard work should be the backbone of all of our successes, and when we fail, it is due to lack of hard work. One example of this comes from a school survey that was conducted. When given 2 scenarios of failure, both in sports and at school, 87% of the time international school students would not have been satisfied with how hard they tried, instead believing that lack of enough hard work was all to blame. In addition, when talking to Aryan Bhargava, a student at United World College who has dealt with failure, he commented, “Hard work takes you to where you need.” When asked if there should be a mix between these two concepts of hard work and being happy that you tried, he responded, saying, “I don’t think so. You really do have to work for it.” Underlying these words is the belief that hard work is the only option. The belief that success stems from only hard work in general. We seem to think that we are machines. That the amount of hard work is proportional to our successes.
On the other hand, the lack of feeling empathetic for ourselves does not take away from the need for it. Peter Bregman, an award winning author for the Harvard Business Review, used his daughter’s experience to show that we need to be empathetic for ourselves. After coming home from a swimming race in which she was disqualified from, Bregman talks about how Mimi sobbed for hours on end, unable to be comforted by her parents. Bregman later described how only the grandmother was able to comfort her by showing empathy, telling her that in the end failing may have been inevitable. At the end of the article, Bregman concluded by saying, “The learning, the avoidance of future failures - only comes when they feel okay with failing. And that feeling comes from empathy.”
This offers evidence that we are not machines. Our hard work is usually proportional to the amount of success, but not always. We feel that being empathetic means being pathetic. On the contrary, we need bits of love from other people and from ourselves that resemble our childhood. We all need support, and we should not be reluctant to feel happy for ourselves.
In addition, Marshall Rosenberg, an expert on the topic of empathy shared his thoughts, by saying, "Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically." All in all, makes it even more clear that, as humans, we do need empathy, to show us that it is okay to fail. At the end of the day, it does not really matter whether we are receiving empathy from someone else, or we are letting ourselves feel it. It is all the same, because the main barrier is the one in our mind, barring ourselves from feeling good for what we have done. Once we overcome the fear of failing, we can then work hard to achieve our goals.
As a tennis player myself, I also know what it feels like to be afraid of failing. When we overcome this fear, we can achieve our goals. With this fear baring down on me like the current Singapore haze, I feel more and more nervous, and eventually do not end up achieving the goal.
So, next time you come across failure in your life, accept it with open arms. Remember that accepting failure is the first step in improving. When we go straight to our mistakes, we often feel very disappointed, alone and without support. On the other hand, if we feel content with what we have done, we learn that we have not failed so much after all. We know that we can improve, however we end up climbing a hill, not a mountain. This empathetic feeling closes the gap between you and the goal, where you want to be. So, when you lose that tennis match, ask yourself, “Was it really that bad? What did I do well? Although, I lost, how did I win?” This creates the positive mindset that is essential when it comes to learning from your mistakes. The common understanding we all need to grasp is that we should feel content with our hard work and at the same time know we will have room to improve. Only then, we can gain from our failures.
And if nothing else works? I am sure that you can buy a Magic 8 Ball that tells you what to do upon shaking.
Rosenberg, Marshall. "Benefits of Empathy Articles and Links." Benefits of Empathy Articles and Links. Center for Building a Culture of Empathy, n.d. Web. 24 Nov. 2015.
Bregman, Peter. "The Right Way to Respond to Failure." Harvard Business Review. Harvard Business School, 10 Mar. 2011. Web. 24 Nov. 2015
Bhargava, Aryan. "What Do You Value in Terms of Hard Work?" Telephone interview. 15 Nov. 2015.
- Om Manghani
Showing posts with label Investigative Journalism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Investigative Journalism. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 May 2016
Body Image: What Are Your Beauty Standards?
The middle school student frowns every time she looks in the mirror. She hangs her head as she trudges through the halls, down the street, into her own home, ashamed by her own body. Why? Because she has, several times, been body shamed.
“We should support women and girls, encourage them into this crucial dialogue about beauty ideals, and keep them from shrinking away from life," Dr. Nancy Etcoff, a Harvard University professor says on the topic of women’s self-esteem.
Undeniably so, teenage girls, especially in the 14-18 range, are presented with beauty and body standards that are so unrealistic that they are near impossible. It is proven that the results of these paragons are what generate self-hate for one’s body and makes one want to change themselves.
Young girls are constantly subjected to body standards that can lower their self-esteem and make them feel as if they aren’t good enough, which can be shown through an ad campaign gone terribly wrong. Victoria’s Secret released an ad for their new ‘Body’ lingerie line mid-October 2014. It featured the slogan ‘The Perfect “Body”’. The campaign immediately received backlash for the controversial tagline. Tweets, messages and posts were shared online regarding the ad. Some even went as far as to write articles about it that were shared globally, an example being, “There is a line between aspiration and thinspiration, and this campaign clearly oversteps the mark,” columnist Sarah Vine writes in The Daily Mail. “As for their use of the word ‘perfect’, it’s not only offensive to the 99.9% of the female population who don’t share the models’ ‘perfect’ proportions, it’s also deeply irresponsible.”
But what is the cause for these body standards? How did they form? A group of students, both boys and girls, aged 13-14 were surveyed about today’s beauty standards and how they felt about it. One of the questions asked was; what do you think causes these beauty standards to form? The majority of the students responded with answers generally pointing to influence from social media, society and, shockingly, their peers.
62.5% of the children said that they had been told that their body needed to be a certain way and/or that they have experience being uncomfortable with their bodies. Even worryingly so, nearly 40% of the students admitted that they were not satisfied with the way they looked. It is definite that beauty standards exist and are caused by multiple sources but you may be surprised at what sort of impact they have on young girls’ lives.
According to an article by Daily Mail UK, 2,000 teen girls of various ages were interviewed for research purposes in England and over a quarter of 14-year-olds revealed that they had once considered plastic surgery or taking diet/weight loss pills in order to slim down. Almost a fifth said they were going through an eating disorder, including very dangerous ones such as anorexia and bulimia. The effects of these sorts of eating disorders can cause rifts in young girls’ relationships and sometimes go to such an extent that they can prove to be fatal.
However, experts have been delving into how to avoid a corrupt body image and what prevents it from happening. One of the biggest influences on a girl’s body image is her mother, as said by Dr. Leslie Sim, clinical director of Mayo Clinic’s eating disorders program. "Moms are probably the most important influence on a daughter's body image. Even if a mom says to the daughter, 'You look so beautiful, but I'm so fat,' it can be detrimental." Typically, mothers are told to avoid talking about weight or anything related to their children, and exposing them to a healthy lifestyle and realistic body image at a young age can prove to decrease their chances of wanting to go on diets, have eating disorders, and dislike their bodies. Dr. Nancy Etcoff’s take on this notion isn’t much different, "We know that women are longing for affirmation of their unique, individual beauty, both for themselves and for younger generations. The mother-daughter bond has great potential for empowering girls and making a real difference for future generations."
Still, with a number of negative influences and unrealistic standards, it is unsurprising that such a large amount of young adults are affected by them. The middle school survey mentioned before also tried to collate a handful of tips that could potentially help people out of a phase of self-hate. They include shielding yourself from what others say about you and forgetting about it. Though these things may not seem easy, they can be done with the help of a community that supports you and your body. Massilia, one of the students surveyed, was quick to agree. “We need to stop validating our beauty based on people's unrealistic and frankly, unimportant, criticisms about our bodies.” she says. “We need to be taught to say to those people, my body is mine and I don't need your approval or your consent to find myself beautiful.”
"Women around the world have sent us a clear message about their wishes. We now need to help them find a way to talk about it.” said Dr. Etcoff on the topic of how young women should view themselves.
Ultimately, our goal should be to make every woman, every man, everyone feel comfortable with how they look. Popular belief shows that the message that should be spread by modelling companies, society and families is: you don’t need to change yourself to become beautiful unless it is for health purposes and hasn’t been posed on you by anyone other than yourself. With the help of your community, friends and family, you can shape a better body image for yourself, and for generations to come.
"Negative Feelings About Their Looks Cause Majority of Girls to Disengage From Life." Negative Feelings About Their Looks Cause Majority of Girls to Disengage From... N.p., n.d. Web. 02 Dec. 2015
Peterson, Hayley. "Victoria’s Secret Sparks Outrage With ‘Perfect Body’ Campaign." Business Insider. Business Insider, 31 Oct. 2014. Web. 1 Dec. 2015.
"90% of Teens Unhappy with Body Shape." Mail Online. Associated Newspapers, n.d. Web. 02 Dec. 2015.
“We should support women and girls, encourage them into this crucial dialogue about beauty ideals, and keep them from shrinking away from life," Dr. Nancy Etcoff, a Harvard University professor says on the topic of women’s self-esteem.
Undeniably so, teenage girls, especially in the 14-18 range, are presented with beauty and body standards that are so unrealistic that they are near impossible. It is proven that the results of these paragons are what generate self-hate for one’s body and makes one want to change themselves.
Young girls are constantly subjected to body standards that can lower their self-esteem and make them feel as if they aren’t good enough, which can be shown through an ad campaign gone terribly wrong. Victoria’s Secret released an ad for their new ‘Body’ lingerie line mid-October 2014. It featured the slogan ‘The Perfect “Body”’. The campaign immediately received backlash for the controversial tagline. Tweets, messages and posts were shared online regarding the ad. Some even went as far as to write articles about it that were shared globally, an example being, “There is a line between aspiration and thinspiration, and this campaign clearly oversteps the mark,” columnist Sarah Vine writes in The Daily Mail. “As for their use of the word ‘perfect’, it’s not only offensive to the 99.9% of the female population who don’t share the models’ ‘perfect’ proportions, it’s also deeply irresponsible.”
But what is the cause for these body standards? How did they form? A group of students, both boys and girls, aged 13-14 were surveyed about today’s beauty standards and how they felt about it. One of the questions asked was; what do you think causes these beauty standards to form? The majority of the students responded with answers generally pointing to influence from social media, society and, shockingly, their peers.
62.5% of the children said that they had been told that their body needed to be a certain way and/or that they have experience being uncomfortable with their bodies. Even worryingly so, nearly 40% of the students admitted that they were not satisfied with the way they looked. It is definite that beauty standards exist and are caused by multiple sources but you may be surprised at what sort of impact they have on young girls’ lives.
According to an article by Daily Mail UK, 2,000 teen girls of various ages were interviewed for research purposes in England and over a quarter of 14-year-olds revealed that they had once considered plastic surgery or taking diet/weight loss pills in order to slim down. Almost a fifth said they were going through an eating disorder, including very dangerous ones such as anorexia and bulimia. The effects of these sorts of eating disorders can cause rifts in young girls’ relationships and sometimes go to such an extent that they can prove to be fatal.
However, experts have been delving into how to avoid a corrupt body image and what prevents it from happening. One of the biggest influences on a girl’s body image is her mother, as said by Dr. Leslie Sim, clinical director of Mayo Clinic’s eating disorders program. "Moms are probably the most important influence on a daughter's body image. Even if a mom says to the daughter, 'You look so beautiful, but I'm so fat,' it can be detrimental." Typically, mothers are told to avoid talking about weight or anything related to their children, and exposing them to a healthy lifestyle and realistic body image at a young age can prove to decrease their chances of wanting to go on diets, have eating disorders, and dislike their bodies. Dr. Nancy Etcoff’s take on this notion isn’t much different, "We know that women are longing for affirmation of their unique, individual beauty, both for themselves and for younger generations. The mother-daughter bond has great potential for empowering girls and making a real difference for future generations."
Still, with a number of negative influences and unrealistic standards, it is unsurprising that such a large amount of young adults are affected by them. The middle school survey mentioned before also tried to collate a handful of tips that could potentially help people out of a phase of self-hate. They include shielding yourself from what others say about you and forgetting about it. Though these things may not seem easy, they can be done with the help of a community that supports you and your body. Massilia, one of the students surveyed, was quick to agree. “We need to stop validating our beauty based on people's unrealistic and frankly, unimportant, criticisms about our bodies.” she says. “We need to be taught to say to those people, my body is mine and I don't need your approval or your consent to find myself beautiful.”
"Women around the world have sent us a clear message about their wishes. We now need to help them find a way to talk about it.” said Dr. Etcoff on the topic of how young women should view themselves.
Ultimately, our goal should be to make every woman, every man, everyone feel comfortable with how they look. Popular belief shows that the message that should be spread by modelling companies, society and families is: you don’t need to change yourself to become beautiful unless it is for health purposes and hasn’t been posed on you by anyone other than yourself. With the help of your community, friends and family, you can shape a better body image for yourself, and for generations to come.
"Negative Feelings About Their Looks Cause Majority of Girls to Disengage From Life." Negative Feelings About Their Looks Cause Majority of Girls to Disengage From... N.p., n.d. Web. 02 Dec. 2015
Peterson, Hayley. "Victoria’s Secret Sparks Outrage With ‘Perfect Body’ Campaign." Business Insider. Business Insider, 31 Oct. 2014. Web. 1 Dec. 2015.
"90% of Teens Unhappy with Body Shape." Mail Online. Associated Newspapers, n.d. Web. 02 Dec. 2015.
- Noshin Saiyaara
Strive to Belong, Not Fit In
It’s a feeling that has plagued each one of us at some point in our lives - not fitting in.
Picture this, it’s lunchtime. The part of the day that most kids look forward to. The cafeteria is buzzing with activity - boisterous kids falling over each other just to sit with their friends, laughter rising from all corners, everyone talking over each other. But despite all the people, Sally, a grade 8 student looks around awkwardly, unsure of who to sit with. She can’t sit with the “geeks” because she has nothing in common with them. She can’t sit with the “jocks” because she hates sports. And she can’t sit with the “populars” because they are very exclusive and there is no way they would even let her come within five metres of their “elite” group. She does not really fit in anywhere. Sound familiar?
Feeling left out and not being able to fit in is a problem that all kids have faced at least once in their lifetime. In our society, teenagers especially, feel pressured to fit into one exclusive group, a clique. This is a constant struggle for many teenagers. Let’s face it - how many of us really fit into one specific “category”? A recent survey showed that 40% of teenagers felt pressured into trying to fit in with other kids at school. These days fitting in has become a top priority for many teenagers. Significant amounts of energy are put into trying to meet the expectations of someone other than themselves.
What does “fitting in” even mean? Does it mean the same thing as belonging? Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and research professor at the University of Houston says, “Fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are.” And so it becomes even more clear that to ask someone to fit in is to actually tell them to change something about themselves whether it is the way they look or act in order to be accepted by others. That is the negative message that is being sent out to teens. Instead we should be focusing on encouraging teens to be themselves, stay true to their values and aim to belong rather than “fit in”. In a society that is constantly telling us what is “cool” it is hard to accept ourselves for who we truly are and show off each of our individual and unique quirks instead of trying to be a person that does not reflect our personal values but rather fits into one of society’s categories.
Friendship plays an important role in a child’s development. Children learn many social skills from a young age and are able to build many connections. Without friends, children may feel like they lack a lot of support. But healthy friendships don’t usually form from cliques. The social dynamic in a clique is very different from a group of friends. A clique is very exclusive, people are either “in” or “out”. People in a clique may feel a lot of pressure to act a certain way because they might get kicked out if they act differently. Rather than trying to fit into a clique we should be encouraging friendship groups. In a friendship group, members don’t have to be alike or share the same hobbies. They don’t have to constantly worry about being kicked out of the group for the way they act. In a friendship group kids can “belong”.
It’s worrisome how big a struggle this is for teenagers who feel like they don’t fit in. Teens who have social problems and do not fit in are affected emotionally, making it more likely for them to suffer from depression and even stopping them from going to college. Studies have shown that at least 57% of girls, 68% of boys are less likely than peers of the same race, social class and academic background to attend college if they have feelings of not fitting in.
There is no instant solution to making good friends, but it’s important to know that you have to be patient. Work on bettering yourself, find a passion that you can focus on. Join a club or a sports team where you can form healthy friendships while staying true to yourself. It may be a long journey and there is going to be challenges along the way but when you find a friend that’s accepts you for who you are and what you believe in, that friendship is going to last, you will be happier, and you will feel like you belong.
In a society that is so quick to label teens based on what they wear and who they hang out with, it is no wonder that young people are constantly stressed about where and with whom they fit in. Now is the time for parents and other role models to play a bigger role in guiding teens towards building a sense of belonging instead and to encourage strong friendship groups. It is important for young people to not lose their sense of self and personal values and be strong enough to not let society define their identity.
Brown, Brené. "Brené Brown's Top 4 Life Lessons." Oprah.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
Biali, Susan. "Stop Trying to Fit In, Aim to Belong Instead." Psychology Today. N.p., 17 Oct. 2013. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
"Coping With Cliques." KidsHealth. Ed. Arcy Lyness. The Nemours Foundation, 01 Aug. 2013. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
Lopez, Christopher. "What Do You Think about the Term "fitting In"" A Conversation on TED.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
- Caitlin Moor
Picture this, it’s lunchtime. The part of the day that most kids look forward to. The cafeteria is buzzing with activity - boisterous kids falling over each other just to sit with their friends, laughter rising from all corners, everyone talking over each other. But despite all the people, Sally, a grade 8 student looks around awkwardly, unsure of who to sit with. She can’t sit with the “geeks” because she has nothing in common with them. She can’t sit with the “jocks” because she hates sports. And she can’t sit with the “populars” because they are very exclusive and there is no way they would even let her come within five metres of their “elite” group. She does not really fit in anywhere. Sound familiar?
Feeling left out and not being able to fit in is a problem that all kids have faced at least once in their lifetime. In our society, teenagers especially, feel pressured to fit into one exclusive group, a clique. This is a constant struggle for many teenagers. Let’s face it - how many of us really fit into one specific “category”? A recent survey showed that 40% of teenagers felt pressured into trying to fit in with other kids at school. These days fitting in has become a top priority for many teenagers. Significant amounts of energy are put into trying to meet the expectations of someone other than themselves.
What does “fitting in” even mean? Does it mean the same thing as belonging? Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and research professor at the University of Houston says, “Fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are.” And so it becomes even more clear that to ask someone to fit in is to actually tell them to change something about themselves whether it is the way they look or act in order to be accepted by others. That is the negative message that is being sent out to teens. Instead we should be focusing on encouraging teens to be themselves, stay true to their values and aim to belong rather than “fit in”. In a society that is constantly telling us what is “cool” it is hard to accept ourselves for who we truly are and show off each of our individual and unique quirks instead of trying to be a person that does not reflect our personal values but rather fits into one of society’s categories.
Friendship plays an important role in a child’s development. Children learn many social skills from a young age and are able to build many connections. Without friends, children may feel like they lack a lot of support. But healthy friendships don’t usually form from cliques. The social dynamic in a clique is very different from a group of friends. A clique is very exclusive, people are either “in” or “out”. People in a clique may feel a lot of pressure to act a certain way because they might get kicked out if they act differently. Rather than trying to fit into a clique we should be encouraging friendship groups. In a friendship group, members don’t have to be alike or share the same hobbies. They don’t have to constantly worry about being kicked out of the group for the way they act. In a friendship group kids can “belong”.
It’s worrisome how big a struggle this is for teenagers who feel like they don’t fit in. Teens who have social problems and do not fit in are affected emotionally, making it more likely for them to suffer from depression and even stopping them from going to college. Studies have shown that at least 57% of girls, 68% of boys are less likely than peers of the same race, social class and academic background to attend college if they have feelings of not fitting in.
There is no instant solution to making good friends, but it’s important to know that you have to be patient. Work on bettering yourself, find a passion that you can focus on. Join a club or a sports team where you can form healthy friendships while staying true to yourself. It may be a long journey and there is going to be challenges along the way but when you find a friend that’s accepts you for who you are and what you believe in, that friendship is going to last, you will be happier, and you will feel like you belong.
In a society that is so quick to label teens based on what they wear and who they hang out with, it is no wonder that young people are constantly stressed about where and with whom they fit in. Now is the time for parents and other role models to play a bigger role in guiding teens towards building a sense of belonging instead and to encourage strong friendship groups. It is important for young people to not lose their sense of self and personal values and be strong enough to not let society define their identity.
Brown, Brené. "Brené Brown's Top 4 Life Lessons." Oprah.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
Biali, Susan. "Stop Trying to Fit In, Aim to Belong Instead." Psychology Today. N.p., 17 Oct. 2013. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
"Coping With Cliques." KidsHealth. Ed. Arcy Lyness. The Nemours Foundation, 01 Aug. 2013. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
Lopez, Christopher. "What Do You Think about the Term "fitting In"" A Conversation on TED.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Jan. 2016.
- Caitlin Moor
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