The sun beams through the windshield like a laser, scorching every surface of my sister Melany’s car. My eyes are fixed on the road. I don’t care how much I squint, I just pray not to see the theater at the end of the road. I close my eyes and try to calm my nerves, but they just keep jumping back up like baby ducklings or a frizzy strand of hair trying to be straight.
“Melany?” I ask my older sister, trying to maintain my sanity.
“What do you want, Bella? I’m driving.” Melany pulls her sunglasses off her head and onto her face in one swift motion.
She looks at me and then looks away, resting her arm on the armrest between me and her.
“Do you… think I’m going to pass?” My cheeks flush red.
“If you want to pass don’t be simple or boring. Stand out. But by the way you’re behaving, I really don’t think so. But have courage, little sister,” Melany says sarcastically, hitting the accelerator which makes the car engine roar, “it’ll all be fine afterwards.”
Still, I look down at my feet and wish we were going home.
“Melany?”
“I honestly can’t wait until we get to the theatre. What is it now?” Melany stops at a red traffic light.
“Maybe, um, you could come in with me? To the auditorium?” I ask, regretting my words instantly, but I knew I couldn’t do this alone, even if it’s my sarcastic sister who had to support me.
The answer is a resolute no. Just as I expected.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Ugh, fine.”
I can’t help but smile. Melany rolls her eyes and we turn onto the boulevard. And there, in front of me, is the Sase Theatre in all its terrifying glory.
Melany parks the car in what seems like a perfect place, right in the middle of the row. Same amount of empty space on each side and at the front and the back. Just one tiny mistake. The wheel. It’s turned slightly to the side. Not like any of the other cars with perfectly straight and aligned wheels. Our car is different. I didn’t know whether that is good or bad.
But nevertheless, I reach for the door, feeling the handle click satisfyingly. I push it open, exposing my wounded face to the sunlight, as I step out of the BMW. Right in front of me, an imposing structure of a building stands, statues filling every available space on the building as if to say, ‘There is no space for you here.”
I feel even smaller as the massive double doors open up to reveal an elegant foyer, carpeted in red and green and filled with cushioned armchairs and sofas. I look up at the intricately painted ceiling, until Melany places her cool hand on my back and gently pushes me forward. I stop. Right in front of my face is a tall wooden desk and it obstructs my view. An old lady is peering over the top to inspect me.
“Well, who do we have here?” She smiles at me, speaking in her creaky old lady voice. Melany pushes her sunglasses back onto the top of her head.
“Um… Bella Wayland for the Romeo and Juliet auditions with Ms. Crawford.” I squeak, remembering the line Mrs. Crawford taught us to say in front of the receptionist.
“Could you repeat that, dear?” She asks, pointing to her ears, “My hearing isn’t what it used to be.”
I repeat my sentence, a little louder this time and the old lady smiles and points me in the direction of the longest hallway ever. “That way, Bella dear. All the way to the end and to the right,” she says.
I thank her quietly and begin the infinitely long walk to the end of the corridor.
Melany’s heels clop quietly against the marble floor, and I count them until we reach the end of the hallway. 78,79,80,81,82,83. Then I turn left.
“Bella. Right. Not left.” Melany snaps, breaking me out of my trance. I take a deep breath, turn right and face the double doors. Time to face what will probably be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I close my eyes, count to 3 and push.
The auditorium is massive. Heavy large red velvet curtains hung over the stage, draping over the rafters, swinging slowly to the beat of the aircon. Red plush seats cover the mass expanse of the auditorium floor, staircasing up and up and up in a gentle slope ending at the back of the room, where you could sit and look down on all the people sitting below you. A simple black microphone adorns the stage, making it seem even more menacing.
I take a deep breath and steady myself, and I walk down the steps, careful to only step on the carpeted part and not the metal edge. I take my time with each step, planting my feet in the exact middle of each step with precise positioning. Everything has to be perfect.
Melany’s walking down the stairs at a ferocious pace, but she stops at the third row to turn around and look at me.
“Come on, Bella. Stop walking so weirdly.” Melany huffs, putting her hand on her hip.
“Sorry. But I have to stand out to get the part.” I give her a smug grin.
Melany rolls her eyes but a small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “Just move.”
We sit right behind jealous mean girl, Sasha Dene. Sasha had bragged to the entire drama club about her mother, who is a ‘professional’ actress. Sasha even dresses like her mother, and apparently applies makeup in a totally unique fashion that is almost completely identical to her mother’s. It’s totally obvious Sasha wants to be her mom. I’m not blaming her. Her mom is cooler than she could ever be.
Luckily, she doesn’t notice us pull down the seat and sit down almost right behind her and her best friend Eva, barely a metre from the back of her head. I lean forward to catch their conversation, wishing the seats were exactly behind each other and not adjusted to the side. The aircon whooshes around me, making me shiver, but I don’t dare to untie the sweater hanging around my waist.
“This is going to be a walk in the park. I’ve been waiting for that goody two shoes suck up to make a mistake and she finally did! Now she’s out of the picture and I can get the part of Juliet. I deserve it, after all. Now Mom will finally see what an amazing actress I am, just like her.” Sasha flips her hair and laughs along with Eva who is sitting right in front of Melany.
“I know, right? I can finally be sidekick to a proper actress.” Eva remarks, which brings a smirk to Sasha’s face. Melany’s shades fall back down onto her face but she leaves them there and takes out her phone.
I know who they are talking about. Me. A goody two shoes. A suck up. A bad actress. I get the lead every time. Don’t let them get to you, Bella, they’re just trying to boost their confidence by putting you down, you’re a better actress then they could ever be. But a part of me can’t help thinking they are right. I am a goody two shoes. A suck up. I try to block out the voices, but I crack the minute Sasha opens her mouth again.
“I can’t stand her getting the lead every time. She’s such a-”
I stop listening. I know what she is going to say. It feels like an eternity as the words imprint themselves onto my memory. This is all real. Every single part of it. I start to tremble, my hands clench into fists and my heart starting to beat faster, faster and faster. My breathing grows heavy and I collapse against the velvet cushion, too scared to say anything. Melany starts playing flappy bird, the little beeps piercing the cold air. I curl up into a little ball on the seat. Hugging my knees, I will myself not to speak.
“Totally.” Eva says.
All of a sudden, Sasha turns around to face me.
“Oh, if it isn’t little Miss Imperfect?”
I grit my teeth and curl up into an even tighter ball as they start laughing. I don’t care anymore. I pull the sweater off my waist and slip my arms into the sleeves, letting my knees fall for a second before scooping them up again in the protective embrace of my arms.
“So good to see you! Anyway, good luck at getting the part of Juliet. Trust me, you’ll need it.” Her lips curve upwards in a smirk.
The aircon stops. The whooshing in my ears stops. The beeping of flappy bird stops. I stand up, resisting the urge to run away sobbing and say, “I… have… to go.”
Then I flee.
I dash down the endless hallway and make a beeline for the pink door with the gold toilet plaque. I collapse by the sink, letting the waves roll over me as I sob to my heart's content. I gasp for breath, choking as the tears roll down my face, making little deltas all over my cheeks. I close my eyes, and imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t made that mistake on stage.
I would walk out onto the stage, the lights illuminating my made up face, glittering off my sparkling wings, setting me apart with a radiant glow. I would remember the line perfectly, deliver it perfectly and with the perfect tone and the perfect amount of emotion. I would become my character and flaunt my fairy grace. I wouldn’t look nervous. I wouldn’t flub the line. I wouldn’t let my mind go blank. I would be a sassy, confident fairy, not a stumbling, fumbling teenage girl who stutters and forgets her lines. I face it. I am a failure.
Suddenly, the gold plated door slowly swung outwards to reveal Melany, who rolls her eyes when she sees me and walks over to a sink and takes out her makeup. She’s heartless. I stare at her until she sighs and looks at me.
“Do you want me to pity you?” she asks.
“No.”
“Alright then.”
I bury my face in my thighs and cry even more. I’m not trying to make her feel sorry for me. I just want to be alone.
“Bella, get up.”
I lift my face and see Melany standing over me with her arms crossed. I slowly stand up to face her.
“There. I’m up.” I say indignantly, only to slip and fall back down. My butt bone hurts like hell and I curl up into a ball again and wait for the tears to come. Even when I get up, I fall back down. I’m useless. I feel the anger building up in my muscles. I want the role. To show Sasha that I’m strong. To show the world that I can get up when I make mistakes. But I can’t. I just can’t.
“Melany, help me up.” I grit my teeth. I hate asking my sister for a favour, but I need to do it.
“Bella, get up on your own.”
“Melany, help me!” I almost scream the words.
“No.” There’s a glassy sheen over her eyes, and her shoulders slump.
“Why?”
“Because all I do is hurt you.” Melany starts to walk away from me.
“What?”
She turns around. “I said, it’s because all I do is hurt you.” Her voice vibrates with anger.
“In what way?”
“In every way possible.”
“Give me an example.” I persist.
“How about when I tried to help you get up just now and you fell back down. How about when I tried to help you with your homework? How about when you got bullied on the school playground?” She ticks them all off with her fingers.
“That’s you?”
“Yes. See now? You should just stay away from me.”
“No.’
“Do it, Bella! Just stay away. Trust me on this.”
“No. You’re my sister. I refuse to abandon you.” I’m not giving up on Melany. She’s my older sister, and I only have one older sister. So I’m not going to lose that older sister.
“Bella, no. It’s better for you.” She puts a warning finger up and the sunglasses on top of her head gleam as they reflect the tiles on the wall.
“I need you to be there for me! Please!” I run over to her and grab her arm like a protective 2-year-old.
Melany sighs and pulls her arm away from me. “Go do your audition.”
“Not without you.” I say, firmly.
“Why should I go to your audition? All I’ll do is mess it up. I have already.”
“No you haven’t. Come on. Give it a chance.”
“I already did!”
“Just do it! For me!”
“Fine.”
“Good.” I grin, and pull her out the door and down the hallway and into the auditorium.
We sit back down in our original seats, right behind Sasha. I take a deep breath and Ms. Crawford calls my name. Perfect timing.
“Bella Wayland!”
I take a deep breath and walk down the stairs, not bothering about the metal edge until I trip on the fifth step. But I get back up again with a small graze on my knee and steely determination rushing through my veins. Sasha and Eva snicker, whispering to each other, but I turn away from them and climb the stairs to the stage. Mrs. Crawford gives me a smile and says, ”Bella, are you ready?”
I nod my head and adjust the simple black microphone, fixing my gaze on Melany. She takes her sunglasses off her head and puts them away, and then leans back and looks at me, waiting for me to start. I grin at her.
“I’m Bella Wayland, and I’m auditioning for the part of Juliet.” I say, confidence in every syllable of the words. Sasha frowns and I smile, watching the hope in Melany’s eyes flicker at the sound of my confidence.
And I close my eyes. I imagine Lady Juliet. Sweet, Demure, Innocent. Love stricken, Sad, Frail. Beautiful. Her tale of woe. Her death. I imagine it all. And then I start.
“Melany?” I ask my older sister, trying to maintain my sanity.
“What do you want, Bella? I’m driving.” Melany pulls her sunglasses off her head and onto her face in one swift motion.
She looks at me and then looks away, resting her arm on the armrest between me and her.
“Do you… think I’m going to pass?” My cheeks flush red.
“If you want to pass don’t be simple or boring. Stand out. But by the way you’re behaving, I really don’t think so. But have courage, little sister,” Melany says sarcastically, hitting the accelerator which makes the car engine roar, “it’ll all be fine afterwards.”
Still, I look down at my feet and wish we were going home.
“Melany?”
“I honestly can’t wait until we get to the theatre. What is it now?” Melany stops at a red traffic light.
“Maybe, um, you could come in with me? To the auditorium?” I ask, regretting my words instantly, but I knew I couldn’t do this alone, even if it’s my sarcastic sister who had to support me.
The answer is a resolute no. Just as I expected.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Ugh, fine.”
I can’t help but smile. Melany rolls her eyes and we turn onto the boulevard. And there, in front of me, is the Sase Theatre in all its terrifying glory.
Melany parks the car in what seems like a perfect place, right in the middle of the row. Same amount of empty space on each side and at the front and the back. Just one tiny mistake. The wheel. It’s turned slightly to the side. Not like any of the other cars with perfectly straight and aligned wheels. Our car is different. I didn’t know whether that is good or bad.
But nevertheless, I reach for the door, feeling the handle click satisfyingly. I push it open, exposing my wounded face to the sunlight, as I step out of the BMW. Right in front of me, an imposing structure of a building stands, statues filling every available space on the building as if to say, ‘There is no space for you here.”
I feel even smaller as the massive double doors open up to reveal an elegant foyer, carpeted in red and green and filled with cushioned armchairs and sofas. I look up at the intricately painted ceiling, until Melany places her cool hand on my back and gently pushes me forward. I stop. Right in front of my face is a tall wooden desk and it obstructs my view. An old lady is peering over the top to inspect me.
“Well, who do we have here?” She smiles at me, speaking in her creaky old lady voice. Melany pushes her sunglasses back onto the top of her head.
“Um… Bella Wayland for the Romeo and Juliet auditions with Ms. Crawford.” I squeak, remembering the line Mrs. Crawford taught us to say in front of the receptionist.
“Could you repeat that, dear?” She asks, pointing to her ears, “My hearing isn’t what it used to be.”
I repeat my sentence, a little louder this time and the old lady smiles and points me in the direction of the longest hallway ever. “That way, Bella dear. All the way to the end and to the right,” she says.
I thank her quietly and begin the infinitely long walk to the end of the corridor.
Melany’s heels clop quietly against the marble floor, and I count them until we reach the end of the hallway. 78,79,80,81,82,83. Then I turn left.
“Bella. Right. Not left.” Melany snaps, breaking me out of my trance. I take a deep breath, turn right and face the double doors. Time to face what will probably be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I close my eyes, count to 3 and push.
The auditorium is massive. Heavy large red velvet curtains hung over the stage, draping over the rafters, swinging slowly to the beat of the aircon. Red plush seats cover the mass expanse of the auditorium floor, staircasing up and up and up in a gentle slope ending at the back of the room, where you could sit and look down on all the people sitting below you. A simple black microphone adorns the stage, making it seem even more menacing.
I take a deep breath and steady myself, and I walk down the steps, careful to only step on the carpeted part and not the metal edge. I take my time with each step, planting my feet in the exact middle of each step with precise positioning. Everything has to be perfect.
Melany’s walking down the stairs at a ferocious pace, but she stops at the third row to turn around and look at me.
“Come on, Bella. Stop walking so weirdly.” Melany huffs, putting her hand on her hip.
“Sorry. But I have to stand out to get the part.” I give her a smug grin.
Melany rolls her eyes but a small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “Just move.”
We sit right behind jealous mean girl, Sasha Dene. Sasha had bragged to the entire drama club about her mother, who is a ‘professional’ actress. Sasha even dresses like her mother, and apparently applies makeup in a totally unique fashion that is almost completely identical to her mother’s. It’s totally obvious Sasha wants to be her mom. I’m not blaming her. Her mom is cooler than she could ever be.
Luckily, she doesn’t notice us pull down the seat and sit down almost right behind her and her best friend Eva, barely a metre from the back of her head. I lean forward to catch their conversation, wishing the seats were exactly behind each other and not adjusted to the side. The aircon whooshes around me, making me shiver, but I don’t dare to untie the sweater hanging around my waist.
“This is going to be a walk in the park. I’ve been waiting for that goody two shoes suck up to make a mistake and she finally did! Now she’s out of the picture and I can get the part of Juliet. I deserve it, after all. Now Mom will finally see what an amazing actress I am, just like her.” Sasha flips her hair and laughs along with Eva who is sitting right in front of Melany.
“I know, right? I can finally be sidekick to a proper actress.” Eva remarks, which brings a smirk to Sasha’s face. Melany’s shades fall back down onto her face but she leaves them there and takes out her phone.
I know who they are talking about. Me. A goody two shoes. A suck up. A bad actress. I get the lead every time. Don’t let them get to you, Bella, they’re just trying to boost their confidence by putting you down, you’re a better actress then they could ever be. But a part of me can’t help thinking they are right. I am a goody two shoes. A suck up. I try to block out the voices, but I crack the minute Sasha opens her mouth again.
“I can’t stand her getting the lead every time. She’s such a-”
I stop listening. I know what she is going to say. It feels like an eternity as the words imprint themselves onto my memory. This is all real. Every single part of it. I start to tremble, my hands clench into fists and my heart starting to beat faster, faster and faster. My breathing grows heavy and I collapse against the velvet cushion, too scared to say anything. Melany starts playing flappy bird, the little beeps piercing the cold air. I curl up into a little ball on the seat. Hugging my knees, I will myself not to speak.
“Totally.” Eva says.
All of a sudden, Sasha turns around to face me.
“Oh, if it isn’t little Miss Imperfect?”
I grit my teeth and curl up into an even tighter ball as they start laughing. I don’t care anymore. I pull the sweater off my waist and slip my arms into the sleeves, letting my knees fall for a second before scooping them up again in the protective embrace of my arms.
“So good to see you! Anyway, good luck at getting the part of Juliet. Trust me, you’ll need it.” Her lips curve upwards in a smirk.
The aircon stops. The whooshing in my ears stops. The beeping of flappy bird stops. I stand up, resisting the urge to run away sobbing and say, “I… have… to go.”
Then I flee.
I dash down the endless hallway and make a beeline for the pink door with the gold toilet plaque. I collapse by the sink, letting the waves roll over me as I sob to my heart's content. I gasp for breath, choking as the tears roll down my face, making little deltas all over my cheeks. I close my eyes, and imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t made that mistake on stage.
I would walk out onto the stage, the lights illuminating my made up face, glittering off my sparkling wings, setting me apart with a radiant glow. I would remember the line perfectly, deliver it perfectly and with the perfect tone and the perfect amount of emotion. I would become my character and flaunt my fairy grace. I wouldn’t look nervous. I wouldn’t flub the line. I wouldn’t let my mind go blank. I would be a sassy, confident fairy, not a stumbling, fumbling teenage girl who stutters and forgets her lines. I face it. I am a failure.
Suddenly, the gold plated door slowly swung outwards to reveal Melany, who rolls her eyes when she sees me and walks over to a sink and takes out her makeup. She’s heartless. I stare at her until she sighs and looks at me.
“Do you want me to pity you?” she asks.
“No.”
“Alright then.”
I bury my face in my thighs and cry even more. I’m not trying to make her feel sorry for me. I just want to be alone.
“Bella, get up.”
I lift my face and see Melany standing over me with her arms crossed. I slowly stand up to face her.
“There. I’m up.” I say indignantly, only to slip and fall back down. My butt bone hurts like hell and I curl up into a ball again and wait for the tears to come. Even when I get up, I fall back down. I’m useless. I feel the anger building up in my muscles. I want the role. To show Sasha that I’m strong. To show the world that I can get up when I make mistakes. But I can’t. I just can’t.
“Melany, help me up.” I grit my teeth. I hate asking my sister for a favour, but I need to do it.
“Bella, get up on your own.”
“Melany, help me!” I almost scream the words.
“No.” There’s a glassy sheen over her eyes, and her shoulders slump.
“Why?”
“Because all I do is hurt you.” Melany starts to walk away from me.
“What?”
She turns around. “I said, it’s because all I do is hurt you.” Her voice vibrates with anger.
“In what way?”
“In every way possible.”
“Give me an example.” I persist.
“How about when I tried to help you get up just now and you fell back down. How about when I tried to help you with your homework? How about when you got bullied on the school playground?” She ticks them all off with her fingers.
“That’s you?”
“Yes. See now? You should just stay away from me.”
“No.’
“Do it, Bella! Just stay away. Trust me on this.”
“No. You’re my sister. I refuse to abandon you.” I’m not giving up on Melany. She’s my older sister, and I only have one older sister. So I’m not going to lose that older sister.
“Bella, no. It’s better for you.” She puts a warning finger up and the sunglasses on top of her head gleam as they reflect the tiles on the wall.
“I need you to be there for me! Please!” I run over to her and grab her arm like a protective 2-year-old.
Melany sighs and pulls her arm away from me. “Go do your audition.”
“Not without you.” I say, firmly.
“Why should I go to your audition? All I’ll do is mess it up. I have already.”
“No you haven’t. Come on. Give it a chance.”
“I already did!”
“Just do it! For me!”
“Fine.”
“Good.” I grin, and pull her out the door and down the hallway and into the auditorium.
We sit back down in our original seats, right behind Sasha. I take a deep breath and Ms. Crawford calls my name. Perfect timing.
“Bella Wayland!”
I take a deep breath and walk down the stairs, not bothering about the metal edge until I trip on the fifth step. But I get back up again with a small graze on my knee and steely determination rushing through my veins. Sasha and Eva snicker, whispering to each other, but I turn away from them and climb the stairs to the stage. Mrs. Crawford gives me a smile and says, ”Bella, are you ready?”
I nod my head and adjust the simple black microphone, fixing my gaze on Melany. She takes her sunglasses off her head and puts them away, and then leans back and looks at me, waiting for me to start. I grin at her.
“I’m Bella Wayland, and I’m auditioning for the part of Juliet.” I say, confidence in every syllable of the words. Sasha frowns and I smile, watching the hope in Melany’s eyes flicker at the sound of my confidence.
And I close my eyes. I imagine Lady Juliet. Sweet, Demure, Innocent. Love stricken, Sad, Frail. Beautiful. Her tale of woe. Her death. I imagine it all. And then I start.
by: Teia Currimbhoy
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