I looked at my reflection in the mirror. A mane of fiery red curls illuminated my otherwise dull face. I clutched the dressing table tightly, trying my hardest to keep the tears in and locked my gaze on my green eyes. Like emeralds, my mom used to say. Reminds me of your father, she’d add. I searched for their spark, that light, that sheen. I looked away, too scared to admit that I may have lost them.
Light streamed in through the tiny windows forming irregular patterns on my dressing table, as it made its way through all the mess and clutter of my bedroom. It seemed silly. Dressing up and gathering together when you were about to say goodbye to someone forever, someone who couldn't even say it back to you. But, I didn't question the tradition when I slipped on the simple black dress that my Aunt Jenna had got me. I had never worn a dress before. I had never seen my sister wear a dress either but I had seen her wear many mini skirts. “My sister used to dress like me. We were quite the tomboy pair!” I remembered with a tiny chuckle that stopped almost as quickly as it started, recollecting how she was now. How much we had changed.
I pulled my curly red locks into a messy but elegant bun with a few loose strands falling on my face but not too much that it got into my eyes. Just the way my mum liked it. I looked into the mirror again. There was something missing. I picked up a glistening emerald and silver necklace from my dressing table. My mum had got it for me a year ago for my twelfth birthday. It was my first piece of jewellery. Mum always said the stones matched my eyes, which she loved. It was one of the only feature I shared with my sister. She looked the exact opposite of me otherwise.
I still remembered the day Mum gave it to me. Like it was yesterday.
“Hello!”
I remember hearing her cheerful voice suddenly.... I rubbed my eyes groggily and sat up and she swooped down to give me a hug whispering “Happy Birthday”.
I squeezed her back, grinning happily into the hug as I remembered the date.
“Look, I have to leave for a meeting but I’ll be back by 12:00, and,” she paused. “I have got a surprise for you during lunch.” She smiled coyly.
She walked out of my room before I could realise that she had slipped a velvet box into my hands while hugging me.
I was stunned by the beauty of the item inside of it.
I snapped back to reality when I heard the closing of our gates; Our guests were starting to arrive.
I slowly made my way out of my room, down the stairs and through our front door into our gigantic backyard. When I walked into the open, I felt a spill of warmth on my shoulders. It was a sunny day with a gorgeous blue, cloudless sky. Birds chirping and leaves rustling in the autumn wind, it truly was a perfect day. Not one meant for a funeral. If my dad was here, I could just imagine him insisting on going to the park to play. I walked around without any destination noticing many people had arrived and yet, according to my watch, there were still 15 minutes until the ceremony officially started.
“Hi Ally darling,” I heard out of the blue. I spun around to see who it was. It was my neighbour Mrs. Johnson. She had a fake smile plastered on her face and there were tears of pity swimming in her already watery eyes. Before I could react to her greeting, she wrapped me in a bone crushing hug.
“It is so good to see you! How have you been coping my dear?” She rambled on.
If she actually felt bad, why didn’t she come over the week after the accident? She lived only a minute away! There was a moment of silence, I didn’t know what to say.
“Oh! How insensitive of me to ask. You must be feeling absolutely terrible. But it will be okay, won’t it. You have still got that lovely sister of yours. Athena, isn’t it? I promise you will be just fine”, She rushed, realising her mistake, then letting go of me. She carefully patted me on the shoulder making me feel like some fragile object that would break any second. She smelled strongly of too much floral perfume and the fumes were getting to me. I just smiled uncomfortably.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could just make out my sister greeting and welcoming people, just feeding off all the pity. It is like this whole thing didn’t affect her at all. I thought maybe this would bring us closer, that maybe she would just this once actually reach out to me but, if anything, she was just more distant and independent.
I noticed that our backyard was slowly starting to fill up with guests so thinking on my feet, I said, “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, may I lead you to your seats. The ceremony is about to start and I wouldn’t want the both of you to have to settle for bad seats because of me holding you up.” I put on the most angelic smile I could muster quickly leading them to their seats and hurried to mine so that I wouldn’t have to deal with any more annoying, fake pity.
“Are you okay?” I heard a quiet voice beside me once I was seated. It was my Aunt Jenna, one of the few people who understood what I was going through and actually cared. I had lost my parents, but she had lost her only sister and unlike my relationship with Athena, the 2 of them were always super close.
I didn’t bother putting on a fake smile or hiding anything so I just shrugged. She took her seat beside me and fortunately, didn’t question me any further.
I stared at the 2 caskets in front of me as the priest requested everybody to sit down and then quickly took his place at the podium.
“Welcome. Today, we are gathered here to celebrate the life of two amazing people who have recently met an unfortunate and untimely death. Now I won’t pretend that I knew Fred and Georgia Andrews very well but from the few short conversations that I had with them at church, I could already tell that their hearts were filled with goodness and love. Now, for a few words from their youngest daughter, Alexis.”
There was a quiet, polite ring of applause. I self consciously walked up to the podium. I started to get really nervous. My palms were clammy and my heart was racing.
“Hi everyone.” I started awkwardly. Gaining a bit more confidence after seeing the reassuring gesture aunt Jenna made, I continued. “Firstly, I would like to thank all of you for taking the time to come here today. It really means a lot. I won’t be saying much since I have never really been very good with my words and there are not enough words to describe how I feel at this moment but, one thing I would like to say is that I couldn’t have ever asked for a better family than mine, better parents than mine.” I corrected hastily, my eyes stopping on my sister for a split second. Her eyes were glued to me like she was trying to read or analyse me, but still expressionless. “As the priest said, I am proud of them because I know they were good people with kind hearts and they were the most loving and supportive parents ever. I still remember how every day when I came back from school, my mom took 10 minutes without fail to ask me how my day went and other school gossip which we loved laughing about together, and, on weekends, I remember how my dad used to come swimming with me and we used to have so much fun playing around in the pool and having water fights. And I promise, that no matter what, I will never stop trying to make you proud”, I said looking up now addressing my late parents directly. “I love you, I miss you!” I whispered the last sentence, a few tears escaping my eyes. I hurried back to my seat slightly embarrassed about how emotional I became. The priest took his place back at the podium .
“Thank you dear”, a bit teary eyed himself while he looked directly at me. “Would anyone else like to say anything?” He asked to the crowd in general.
I expected my sister to get up as there as few moments of silence passed. I assumed everyone thought the same thing as I did, but Athena failed to get up. Finally, my aunt Jenna got up and walked to the podium. I couldn’t focus on anything she said as I glared in rage at my sister. She hadn’t even bothered to say anything. Not even the littlest speech. It was like she didn’t even care!
After what seemed like forever, the ceremony ended and guests slowly started to get up and leave, first leaving flowers to show respect in front of both caskets and then saying quick goodbyes to me, my aunt and uncle and my sister. I was so driven by rage at my sister, but I managed to keep it in control saying goodbye to each of the guests and thanked them. A few lingered as some of our close family and friends were staying for lunch. I snapped out out of my thoughts as I saw my sister all of a sudden turn and walk purposefully in my direction.
“Nice speech you had there” her piercing green eyes staring into mine. This was the first time we had such direct eye contact since the night of the accident when we had woken up in the hospital and spent the whole night crying together after hearing the news about our parents. She had forgotten all about it the next day but I still remembered how her touch and comfort felt. Just like how we used to be, the closest of friends.
I thought about her comment, I was not sure whether it was a compliment, that she actually liked my speech, or an insult, because my speech was too short. After a moment of hesitation, I decided it was the latter.
“Well at least I made a speech!” I shouted exasperated, gaining the attention of everyone around us.
Her eyes narrowed and squinted as though she was confused by what I said which got me riled up. My eyes were flashing with the fire of rage unlike their usual calm selves. She didn’t make an attempt to respond so I continued.
“You didn’t even bother to say anything! You act like you don’t care, don’t care about anything. You think you are cool when you act like you have no feelings, but you are not. I thought maybe this accident would knock some sense into you, but nothing. You are supposed to be the older sister. You are supposed to take care of me.” My voice cracked as I banged on my chest for emphasis.
She just shifted uncomfortably in place, not looking at me directly.
“You are supposed to be there when I need you but you never are. And I know, I know you care, but you are just too afraid to show it. Do I mean nothing to you? What happened in 9th grade, huh? Your friends are more important than family now?” I asked rhetorically.
I could see the hurt in her eyes at my bluntness. Before she could defend herself, I continued my rampage.
“They think having a baby sister is lame. You know what, in a way they are right. You are lame. And not because of you have a sister. No, not because of me, but because of you.” I spit out spitefully.
“You try to go around acting like someone you are not. News flash. You do have a younger sister and your parents are dead.” I said but it hurt inside since this was the first time I said it aloud. We were in truth, orphans. The guests were even more shocked now.
“You have pushed your sister away and you don’t have any true friends so that you now have no one. You have no one to confide in or go to when you feel down. No one who you can trust or is willing to trust you. You have destroyed all your relationships. You have no one,” I ended my screaming bout as I started to lose my voice. My sister looked like she had just been slapped in the face. Everyone was staring at the two of us, wide eyed.
I was shocked by my outburst that contradicted my usual calm self. All this while I had thought I was scared of her? Overwhelmed and scared by everyone’s gazes, I did the most cowardly thing I could.
I ran away.
I zipped across our huge backyard, through the front door, up the stairs and finally ran into my room and slammed the door, panting with tears once again streaming down my face. Damn my emotionalness.
I fell on my bed and just sat there sobbing like I had nothing better to do in my life. I don't know exactly how I looked at this point but I have a pretty good idea. An emotional, pathetic useless little ball of misery. I sobbed quietly into my knees.
I had been in my room for about 10 minutes when I heard the turn of my door knob. I was so emotionally tired that I really didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I didn’t getting up to lock the door before whoever could come in. I sat up expecting it to be Aunt Jenna, but I was surprised when I saw a pair of eyes identical to mine peer in.
“Can I come in?” She asked quietly. I was so shocked that at first I didn’t know how to respond. It would be the first time she had come into my room in 5 years. I don’t even think she knew how it looked!
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice her cautiously opening the door.
“I never said yes,” I said scathingly, but with no feeling behind it as I found the strength to glare at her but still not looking at her eyes.
“Yeah, but you know me and you know I wouldn’t have listened anyway”, she replied cockily with a smirk but I could see the worry and caution in her eyes as she approached me. I moved to hog the bed so that she wouldn’t sit down.
“Do I know you?” I questioned without thinking, wishing I could take that back but I continued anyway. I was done with holding it all in. I looked up from my bed, my expression unreadable as I asked again.
“Do I know anything about you at all? I don’t think I do. We have barely held a conversation longer than 2 minutes and everytime I try to figure out just a tiny bit about you, you close up and never let me in. You say this is the real you but you are the only one who believes that! Everyone expects me to know you and to knock sense back into you but how can I do that if you had none in the first place!” I ended my rageful rant standing up so I matched her level. My eyes pierced into hers like daggers challenging her to defend.
“I…. I” , she stammered. I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath as her fists were clenched in nervousness. Although why she was nervous, I didn’t know. She took a deep breath and continued.
“I don’t know what got into me. I thought that if I just acted like I didn’t care, then, then just maybe, people would think that I didn’t feel pain, hurt, sadness or even happiness, and I didn’t want to feel them either. It was too much for me and I thought I could close myself from these emotions but it was to no avail. The truth is, when I started 9th grade, I was bullied. Bullied for being a nerd, being a tomboy and being ‘innocent’”, she rambled using her hand to gesture quotation marks. “I tried to act tougher and fit in, thinking they would stop, and they did, but I was no happier because I wasn’t myself.”, she paused, looking at me.
“Why didn’t you tell anybody, mum and dad would have helped you for sure. Or a teacher or even me!” I questioned sharply both concerned and annoyed.
“I didn’t want to bother anyone. I thought I could handle it on my own but I couldn’t! I put up this stupid act and I left you alone. I am sorry, I promise that I will try my hardest to mend whatever I destroyed between us. I love you Ally, even though I may not act like it I do. I am so sorry”, she said through sobs. I shuffled a bit as she collapsed on the bed in tears. I had never seen her so emotional. Even when we had been friends, she was always the strong one.
I was shocked by the new revelations. I was angry at her for being so stupid and not telling anyone, but on the other hand, I couldn’t exactly blame her for what she did. I had heard high school was bad, and being bullied for who you are is awful. My heart melted for her and even though I was the younger sister I felt protective.
I carefully went in for a hug. It was super awkward and, for a few moments she didn’t respond. I started to pull back but then she clutched me like her life depended on it. We stayed in this position for at least ten minutes and although there was an awkward tension in the air, it felt oddly comfortable, especially considering we hadn’t shared many hugs in the past.
A while later, we finally made our way back out. I noticed the relief flooding back into the people who had watched our fight. They must have assumed we had made peace, with the lack of noise, but everyone knew better than to approach us.
The priest broke the silence in as he said, “I request everyone to take a seat again as we read the ‘Last Will and Testament of Georgia Lucy Andrews and Fred James Andrews”.
They had written a will? It sounded like they knew they were going to die!?
“It was an accident”, I chided myself quietly
I took my seat once again but this time, when I turned to my right, I saw not my Aunt but my sister’s blank face.,As I took a second look, I could see her biting her full lips nervously and clutching the arms of her chair tight.
The priest began, he went on to say a bunch of things I didn’t understand such as this share and that investment etc… And several names I couldn’t place.
“Finally, again to our lovely daughters, Athena Marie Andrews and Alexis Rose Andrews, we also leave a letter of guidance which we hope they read and listen closely to. And that is all” The priest concluded. He held up the envelope with the ‘letter of guidance’ curiously and beckoned to the 2 of us. We looked at each other as we slowly rose and walked to receive the letter. I tiptoed as I reached for the letter.
I gripped it tightly as if my life depended on it and turned to face Athena. I then looked at my Aunt and nodded my head towards the house, and she nodded back in understanding.
No communication needed, we raced up the stairs eager to hear what our parents wanted to say to us.
Dear Ally and Athy,
If you are reading this, it means we are dead. We are so sorry honey, we really are. We wish we could be there with you both, that we could tell you that it is all going to be okay, but we can’t. We want to remind you that just because we are dead it doesn’t mean we are truly gone. We will always be with you in your heart. Remember us whenever you feel low, it will be just like we are with you.
Before we say goodbye, we wanted to give you our last piece of advice. This world is huge and dangerous, it will hit you hard, but unlike a lot of people you girls have a weapon. Your biggest asset while facing this world is each other! Remember this and even in the times when it seems like there is no escape, you can find your way out with help. You will always be there to support each other and love each other. I was lucky like you both, but your father was not. He had to face the world alone but you two, you don’t have to do that. You only have each other left but also you will have always have each other. Remember this and find strength in each other because, even though it seems like having a sibling is a nuisance now, you will see how it is a gift when you are older.
We can’t express how proud we are of you! Watching you grow into two beautiful young women has been the best journey of our life. You both have been the sparkling gems among the thousands of rocks we have had to walk on in life. At such a young age, you have already accomplished so much and, after our death, probably gone through so much. We love you no matter what and wish you the best of luck, hoping that you take our advice to heart..
Love,
Mum and Dad.
I took a few moments to take in all of the information in. It seemed unrealistic, it hadn’t hit me that I had no real family except Athy left. She was all I had and that scared me, before I realised that I was all she had too, and that there was no way she would leave me again. At least, I hoped not. I ever so slightly lifted my head so that my eyes met hers. I stared into the eyes that were a reflection of my own and clutched the ornament hanging from my neck that shared the same colour, I knew that even though our future was uncertain, I had someone, which was more than most people had.
I thought I had lost her but maybe I didn’t. Maybe I still had someone to love.
Light streamed in through the tiny windows forming irregular patterns on my dressing table, as it made its way through all the mess and clutter of my bedroom. It seemed silly. Dressing up and gathering together when you were about to say goodbye to someone forever, someone who couldn't even say it back to you. But, I didn't question the tradition when I slipped on the simple black dress that my Aunt Jenna had got me. I had never worn a dress before. I had never seen my sister wear a dress either but I had seen her wear many mini skirts. “My sister used to dress like me. We were quite the tomboy pair!” I remembered with a tiny chuckle that stopped almost as quickly as it started, recollecting how she was now. How much we had changed.
I pulled my curly red locks into a messy but elegant bun with a few loose strands falling on my face but not too much that it got into my eyes. Just the way my mum liked it. I looked into the mirror again. There was something missing. I picked up a glistening emerald and silver necklace from my dressing table. My mum had got it for me a year ago for my twelfth birthday. It was my first piece of jewellery. Mum always said the stones matched my eyes, which she loved. It was one of the only feature I shared with my sister. She looked the exact opposite of me otherwise.
I still remembered the day Mum gave it to me. Like it was yesterday.
“Hello!”
I remember hearing her cheerful voice suddenly.... I rubbed my eyes groggily and sat up and she swooped down to give me a hug whispering “Happy Birthday”.
I squeezed her back, grinning happily into the hug as I remembered the date.
“Look, I have to leave for a meeting but I’ll be back by 12:00, and,” she paused. “I have got a surprise for you during lunch.” She smiled coyly.
She walked out of my room before I could realise that she had slipped a velvet box into my hands while hugging me.
I was stunned by the beauty of the item inside of it.
I snapped back to reality when I heard the closing of our gates; Our guests were starting to arrive.
I slowly made my way out of my room, down the stairs and through our front door into our gigantic backyard. When I walked into the open, I felt a spill of warmth on my shoulders. It was a sunny day with a gorgeous blue, cloudless sky. Birds chirping and leaves rustling in the autumn wind, it truly was a perfect day. Not one meant for a funeral. If my dad was here, I could just imagine him insisting on going to the park to play. I walked around without any destination noticing many people had arrived and yet, according to my watch, there were still 15 minutes until the ceremony officially started.
“Hi Ally darling,” I heard out of the blue. I spun around to see who it was. It was my neighbour Mrs. Johnson. She had a fake smile plastered on her face and there were tears of pity swimming in her already watery eyes. Before I could react to her greeting, she wrapped me in a bone crushing hug.
“It is so good to see you! How have you been coping my dear?” She rambled on.
If she actually felt bad, why didn’t she come over the week after the accident? She lived only a minute away! There was a moment of silence, I didn’t know what to say.
“Oh! How insensitive of me to ask. You must be feeling absolutely terrible. But it will be okay, won’t it. You have still got that lovely sister of yours. Athena, isn’t it? I promise you will be just fine”, She rushed, realising her mistake, then letting go of me. She carefully patted me on the shoulder making me feel like some fragile object that would break any second. She smelled strongly of too much floral perfume and the fumes were getting to me. I just smiled uncomfortably.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could just make out my sister greeting and welcoming people, just feeding off all the pity. It is like this whole thing didn’t affect her at all. I thought maybe this would bring us closer, that maybe she would just this once actually reach out to me but, if anything, she was just more distant and independent.
I noticed that our backyard was slowly starting to fill up with guests so thinking on my feet, I said, “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, may I lead you to your seats. The ceremony is about to start and I wouldn’t want the both of you to have to settle for bad seats because of me holding you up.” I put on the most angelic smile I could muster quickly leading them to their seats and hurried to mine so that I wouldn’t have to deal with any more annoying, fake pity.
“Are you okay?” I heard a quiet voice beside me once I was seated. It was my Aunt Jenna, one of the few people who understood what I was going through and actually cared. I had lost my parents, but she had lost her only sister and unlike my relationship with Athena, the 2 of them were always super close.
I didn’t bother putting on a fake smile or hiding anything so I just shrugged. She took her seat beside me and fortunately, didn’t question me any further.
I stared at the 2 caskets in front of me as the priest requested everybody to sit down and then quickly took his place at the podium.
“Welcome. Today, we are gathered here to celebrate the life of two amazing people who have recently met an unfortunate and untimely death. Now I won’t pretend that I knew Fred and Georgia Andrews very well but from the few short conversations that I had with them at church, I could already tell that their hearts were filled with goodness and love. Now, for a few words from their youngest daughter, Alexis.”
There was a quiet, polite ring of applause. I self consciously walked up to the podium. I started to get really nervous. My palms were clammy and my heart was racing.
“Hi everyone.” I started awkwardly. Gaining a bit more confidence after seeing the reassuring gesture aunt Jenna made, I continued. “Firstly, I would like to thank all of you for taking the time to come here today. It really means a lot. I won’t be saying much since I have never really been very good with my words and there are not enough words to describe how I feel at this moment but, one thing I would like to say is that I couldn’t have ever asked for a better family than mine, better parents than mine.” I corrected hastily, my eyes stopping on my sister for a split second. Her eyes were glued to me like she was trying to read or analyse me, but still expressionless. “As the priest said, I am proud of them because I know they were good people with kind hearts and they were the most loving and supportive parents ever. I still remember how every day when I came back from school, my mom took 10 minutes without fail to ask me how my day went and other school gossip which we loved laughing about together, and, on weekends, I remember how my dad used to come swimming with me and we used to have so much fun playing around in the pool and having water fights. And I promise, that no matter what, I will never stop trying to make you proud”, I said looking up now addressing my late parents directly. “I love you, I miss you!” I whispered the last sentence, a few tears escaping my eyes. I hurried back to my seat slightly embarrassed about how emotional I became. The priest took his place back at the podium .
“Thank you dear”, a bit teary eyed himself while he looked directly at me. “Would anyone else like to say anything?” He asked to the crowd in general.
I expected my sister to get up as there as few moments of silence passed. I assumed everyone thought the same thing as I did, but Athena failed to get up. Finally, my aunt Jenna got up and walked to the podium. I couldn’t focus on anything she said as I glared in rage at my sister. She hadn’t even bothered to say anything. Not even the littlest speech. It was like she didn’t even care!
After what seemed like forever, the ceremony ended and guests slowly started to get up and leave, first leaving flowers to show respect in front of both caskets and then saying quick goodbyes to me, my aunt and uncle and my sister. I was so driven by rage at my sister, but I managed to keep it in control saying goodbye to each of the guests and thanked them. A few lingered as some of our close family and friends were staying for lunch. I snapped out out of my thoughts as I saw my sister all of a sudden turn and walk purposefully in my direction.
“Nice speech you had there” her piercing green eyes staring into mine. This was the first time we had such direct eye contact since the night of the accident when we had woken up in the hospital and spent the whole night crying together after hearing the news about our parents. She had forgotten all about it the next day but I still remembered how her touch and comfort felt. Just like how we used to be, the closest of friends.
I thought about her comment, I was not sure whether it was a compliment, that she actually liked my speech, or an insult, because my speech was too short. After a moment of hesitation, I decided it was the latter.
“Well at least I made a speech!” I shouted exasperated, gaining the attention of everyone around us.
Her eyes narrowed and squinted as though she was confused by what I said which got me riled up. My eyes were flashing with the fire of rage unlike their usual calm selves. She didn’t make an attempt to respond so I continued.
“You didn’t even bother to say anything! You act like you don’t care, don’t care about anything. You think you are cool when you act like you have no feelings, but you are not. I thought maybe this accident would knock some sense into you, but nothing. You are supposed to be the older sister. You are supposed to take care of me.” My voice cracked as I banged on my chest for emphasis.
She just shifted uncomfortably in place, not looking at me directly.
“You are supposed to be there when I need you but you never are. And I know, I know you care, but you are just too afraid to show it. Do I mean nothing to you? What happened in 9th grade, huh? Your friends are more important than family now?” I asked rhetorically.
I could see the hurt in her eyes at my bluntness. Before she could defend herself, I continued my rampage.
“They think having a baby sister is lame. You know what, in a way they are right. You are lame. And not because of you have a sister. No, not because of me, but because of you.” I spit out spitefully.
“You try to go around acting like someone you are not. News flash. You do have a younger sister and your parents are dead.” I said but it hurt inside since this was the first time I said it aloud. We were in truth, orphans. The guests were even more shocked now.
“You have pushed your sister away and you don’t have any true friends so that you now have no one. You have no one to confide in or go to when you feel down. No one who you can trust or is willing to trust you. You have destroyed all your relationships. You have no one,” I ended my screaming bout as I started to lose my voice. My sister looked like she had just been slapped in the face. Everyone was staring at the two of us, wide eyed.
I was shocked by my outburst that contradicted my usual calm self. All this while I had thought I was scared of her? Overwhelmed and scared by everyone’s gazes, I did the most cowardly thing I could.
I ran away.
I zipped across our huge backyard, through the front door, up the stairs and finally ran into my room and slammed the door, panting with tears once again streaming down my face. Damn my emotionalness.
I fell on my bed and just sat there sobbing like I had nothing better to do in my life. I don't know exactly how I looked at this point but I have a pretty good idea. An emotional, pathetic useless little ball of misery. I sobbed quietly into my knees.
I had been in my room for about 10 minutes when I heard the turn of my door knob. I was so emotionally tired that I really didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I didn’t getting up to lock the door before whoever could come in. I sat up expecting it to be Aunt Jenna, but I was surprised when I saw a pair of eyes identical to mine peer in.
“Can I come in?” She asked quietly. I was so shocked that at first I didn’t know how to respond. It would be the first time she had come into my room in 5 years. I don’t even think she knew how it looked!
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice her cautiously opening the door.
“I never said yes,” I said scathingly, but with no feeling behind it as I found the strength to glare at her but still not looking at her eyes.
“Yeah, but you know me and you know I wouldn’t have listened anyway”, she replied cockily with a smirk but I could see the worry and caution in her eyes as she approached me. I moved to hog the bed so that she wouldn’t sit down.
“Do I know you?” I questioned without thinking, wishing I could take that back but I continued anyway. I was done with holding it all in. I looked up from my bed, my expression unreadable as I asked again.
“Do I know anything about you at all? I don’t think I do. We have barely held a conversation longer than 2 minutes and everytime I try to figure out just a tiny bit about you, you close up and never let me in. You say this is the real you but you are the only one who believes that! Everyone expects me to know you and to knock sense back into you but how can I do that if you had none in the first place!” I ended my rageful rant standing up so I matched her level. My eyes pierced into hers like daggers challenging her to defend.
“I…. I” , she stammered. I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath as her fists were clenched in nervousness. Although why she was nervous, I didn’t know. She took a deep breath and continued.
“I don’t know what got into me. I thought that if I just acted like I didn’t care, then, then just maybe, people would think that I didn’t feel pain, hurt, sadness or even happiness, and I didn’t want to feel them either. It was too much for me and I thought I could close myself from these emotions but it was to no avail. The truth is, when I started 9th grade, I was bullied. Bullied for being a nerd, being a tomboy and being ‘innocent’”, she rambled using her hand to gesture quotation marks. “I tried to act tougher and fit in, thinking they would stop, and they did, but I was no happier because I wasn’t myself.”, she paused, looking at me.
“Why didn’t you tell anybody, mum and dad would have helped you for sure. Or a teacher or even me!” I questioned sharply both concerned and annoyed.
“I didn’t want to bother anyone. I thought I could handle it on my own but I couldn’t! I put up this stupid act and I left you alone. I am sorry, I promise that I will try my hardest to mend whatever I destroyed between us. I love you Ally, even though I may not act like it I do. I am so sorry”, she said through sobs. I shuffled a bit as she collapsed on the bed in tears. I had never seen her so emotional. Even when we had been friends, she was always the strong one.
I was shocked by the new revelations. I was angry at her for being so stupid and not telling anyone, but on the other hand, I couldn’t exactly blame her for what she did. I had heard high school was bad, and being bullied for who you are is awful. My heart melted for her and even though I was the younger sister I felt protective.
I carefully went in for a hug. It was super awkward and, for a few moments she didn’t respond. I started to pull back but then she clutched me like her life depended on it. We stayed in this position for at least ten minutes and although there was an awkward tension in the air, it felt oddly comfortable, especially considering we hadn’t shared many hugs in the past.
A while later, we finally made our way back out. I noticed the relief flooding back into the people who had watched our fight. They must have assumed we had made peace, with the lack of noise, but everyone knew better than to approach us.
The priest broke the silence in as he said, “I request everyone to take a seat again as we read the ‘Last Will and Testament of Georgia Lucy Andrews and Fred James Andrews”.
They had written a will? It sounded like they knew they were going to die!?
“It was an accident”, I chided myself quietly
I took my seat once again but this time, when I turned to my right, I saw not my Aunt but my sister’s blank face.,As I took a second look, I could see her biting her full lips nervously and clutching the arms of her chair tight.
The priest began, he went on to say a bunch of things I didn’t understand such as this share and that investment etc… And several names I couldn’t place.
“Finally, again to our lovely daughters, Athena Marie Andrews and Alexis Rose Andrews, we also leave a letter of guidance which we hope they read and listen closely to. And that is all” The priest concluded. He held up the envelope with the ‘letter of guidance’ curiously and beckoned to the 2 of us. We looked at each other as we slowly rose and walked to receive the letter. I tiptoed as I reached for the letter.
I gripped it tightly as if my life depended on it and turned to face Athena. I then looked at my Aunt and nodded my head towards the house, and she nodded back in understanding.
No communication needed, we raced up the stairs eager to hear what our parents wanted to say to us.
Dear Ally and Athy,
If you are reading this, it means we are dead. We are so sorry honey, we really are. We wish we could be there with you both, that we could tell you that it is all going to be okay, but we can’t. We want to remind you that just because we are dead it doesn’t mean we are truly gone. We will always be with you in your heart. Remember us whenever you feel low, it will be just like we are with you.
Before we say goodbye, we wanted to give you our last piece of advice. This world is huge and dangerous, it will hit you hard, but unlike a lot of people you girls have a weapon. Your biggest asset while facing this world is each other! Remember this and even in the times when it seems like there is no escape, you can find your way out with help. You will always be there to support each other and love each other. I was lucky like you both, but your father was not. He had to face the world alone but you two, you don’t have to do that. You only have each other left but also you will have always have each other. Remember this and find strength in each other because, even though it seems like having a sibling is a nuisance now, you will see how it is a gift when you are older.
We can’t express how proud we are of you! Watching you grow into two beautiful young women has been the best journey of our life. You both have been the sparkling gems among the thousands of rocks we have had to walk on in life. At such a young age, you have already accomplished so much and, after our death, probably gone through so much. We love you no matter what and wish you the best of luck, hoping that you take our advice to heart..
Love,
Mum and Dad.
I took a few moments to take in all of the information in. It seemed unrealistic, it hadn’t hit me that I had no real family except Athy left. She was all I had and that scared me, before I realised that I was all she had too, and that there was no way she would leave me again. At least, I hoped not. I ever so slightly lifted my head so that my eyes met hers. I stared into the eyes that were a reflection of my own and clutched the ornament hanging from my neck that shared the same colour, I knew that even though our future was uncertain, I had someone, which was more than most people had.
I thought I had lost her but maybe I didn’t. Maybe I still had someone to love.
by: Khushi Raju
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